Let me put all my cards on the table up front: dating your friend’s ex is nothing less than a mistake. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And before you start listing the exceptions you know about, keep in mind that becoming an exception has about the same rate of success as winning the lottery.
The easiest way to put it is this: would you like your friend dating your ex? Likely not. So let that sink in for a good while before you make a big mistake for the sake of satisfying your loins.
If you choose to do it anyway and keep it secret, know some of the pitfalls:
—The baggage will get too heavy, and drop. And you’ll lose a friend.
—You’ll end up expending so much effort on making secret plans, you’ll eventually become suspicious to others. And lose a friend.
—The guilt will consume you. And either you or the ex will eventually spill the beans to someone “in confidence”. And you’ll lose a friend.
—You’ll get caught. And lose a friend.
If you choose to do it anyway and not keep it secret, know some of the pitfalls:
—You’ll lose a friend.
None of these things will necessarily happen overnight, but they will happen. And everyone will be sorry.
It’s awkward. It’s back-loaded with regret. You’ll end up embarrassed and feeling sorry. I could go on forever.
And here’s the saddest part: Everything I’m saying you already know, unconsciously or not. Yet still, when faced with this possibility, people will still slip into blinders and err on the side of instant gratification.
Have some respect for the friendship you’d rather not lose. There are so many other people out there. The ocean is huge, and not completely polluted. Cast your net wider, and be patient.
Otherwise, you’re just another bottom-feeder.
Sex with your a friend of yours? Now, that’s another story!