Are you friends with a girl who – all of a sudden – you find yourself attracted to? You want more, a relationship, but you don’t want to ruin the friendship you already have. It’s happened to many of us but knowing how to go about turning a friend into more is easier said than done.
You can pine away and do nothing, but regret sucks. Or you can come out and tell her directly, but this has the potential of blowing up in your face. One word, guys – SUBTLETY!
Your girl bud may never return your romantic feelings, but if you want to stand a chance, then you have to go slow and make her realize that you’re a real possibility. After all, you’ve already laid the foundation of a winning relationship by being friends who respect one another.
Watch for Signs
Is there a chance? If you find she’s spending more time with you than looking for a boyfriend, that’s good. If she’s ever told you it’s okay to crash in her bed after a late night, that’s very good.
Exit the Comfort Zone
It’s easy to get comfy in our appearance with friends, even the opposite sex. Have a closer look in the mirror, and take more time to look good for your friend – she will notice.
Focus on Fun
Increase the fun factor. Do this by planning activities that are playful and light. You want her to associate good times and feelings with being in your company.
If your friend knows she can count on you, you’ll become her go-to-guy which means more time spent together. If she needs help with something, respond promptly.
Get Touchy Feely
This is delicate. Remember, subtlety is key. You want to make physical contact but not in an overt manner. Try a shoulder squeeze, a quick tickle, or a hug goodnight.
As a friend, you’re probably already a good listener. Use this time to make mental notes of the small things, and bring them back in words and gestures later.
This comes from active listening. A guy who remembers the little things always impresses. Surprise her with her favorite dessert, suggest shopping together for her mother’s birthday, or offer to sign up with her for a class she’s been dying to take.
Stay in Contact
Life gets busy, and it’s easy to go weeks without seeing a friend. This won’t do. Between in person hang-outs, send texts and emails regularly. Even if it’s just a funny animal picture: she’ll know you’re thinking about her.
Your friend will eventually sense what’s going on. With some girls it may take longer to get the hint. Even so, be prepared to talk about your feelings from the get-go. Scary, yes, but honesty trumps head games every time.
So you’ve made it obvious that you’re into her, you’ve had the talk, and nothin’ doin’ – your friend only wants to be friends. You may need a time-out for your heart to heal, but make it clear (if you can handle it) that you still want the friendship. This may be hard for her, knowing you have feelings, so the best way to smooth things over is to move on. Find a new love interest, and eventually feel comfortable enough to ask (with genuine interest and support) about your friend’s love life.
Guys, have you had a friend become a girlfriend? How did you make it happen?