Q&A: What a Cougar Wants in a Hookup

Sexy Woman Reclining in Robe

Have you ever thought about dating an older woman?

I sat down with a self-proclaimed cougar friend of mine to ask her some questions about what she’s looking for in a younger man, and what she really gets out of the cougar-cub relationship dynamic.

Q: Is sex the only thing that matters in your cougar-cub relationships? What else are you looking for?

A: A lot of people assume that it’s only about sex. I mean, that’s definitely a big part of it, but for me it’s about freedom. I’m not ready to assume the roles typically reserved for women my age. I’ve been married and divorced, I’ve had my kids. Now I feel like the world expects me to shrivel up and die, but I’m just getting started!

Being with a younger man makes me feel more like my true self, especially if we can laugh together. I like to spend some time outside the bedroom, getting to know each other first.

Q: What makes you choose one cub over another in the online dating arena?

A: That’s hard to say. There has to be chemistry, that’s a given, but beyond that, I think that level of experience plays a role for me. I like to be with men who haven’t had a whole lot of partners. It’s not that I would judge anyone who has, but I like showing a man the ropes.

I prefer men who are a bit shy and submissive. I spent my younger years with an older more dominant man, so now, I like to call the shots. If a guy comes on too strong, sending dick pics or being too explicit, I don’t even respond. I just block him.

Q: Do you ever feel self-conscious about your body? If so, how can your date avoid making you feel this way?

A: I feel great about my body. I’m hot! I feel better about myself now than I did when I was twenty. I think that age brings more self-love and confidence. That said, sex is a really intimate thing, and it’s easy to get hurt when someone does something insensitive or makes a stupid comment. I had one guy play with my boob like it was a slinky, He put his hand underneath, pushed up, then let it fall back down, all the while laughing like an idiot. I didn’t invite him back.

Q: What’s the biggest mistake younger men make when trying to pick you up?

A: I hate when men approach me in a pack. What do they call them… wingmen? Yeah, I hate wingmen. I think if a man is going to ask me out, he should have the guts to do it alone. I also hate it when I give a man my number, and he immediately sends me a steamy text. I need to have a little bit of a conversation before jumping into the sexy stuff.

Q: What’s one thing you wish more men would understand about dating older women.

A: That we don’t necessarily want the things that younger women might. I don’t need a commitment or constant reassurance. I know who I am, and I like my space. I’m not looking for someone to build a life with, or help me solve life’s problems, I’ve got it covered.

Lots of times guys will say and do things because they assume that it’s what all women need. In my opinion, that’s the male version of faking an orgasm. Don’t give me a compliment unless you mean it, and don’t insist on paying for dinner when we both know I make a lot more money than you do!

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