How to Stop Being Horny All the Time

Dear Holly,

I want to know how I can stop being horny ALL the time! I love sex and think about sex all the time, but it feels excessive, like it controls me, more than I’d like.

I’m 48, and I’ve always been this way since my late teens. When I was younger, it seemed like everyone was horny, women included. But as I’ve matured and guys talk less about their sex lives, I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

I’ve had a few long-term relationships wherein women confirmed my suspicions about always being horny or having a super high sex drive, but a couple of those women did too, and the other didn’t seem to mind. I have a hot girlfriend now who I can’t keep my hands off of, and I don’t want my being so horny to become a turn-off like it’s done in the past.

How can I stop being so horny? – KC

Hi KC. There’s nothing wrong with a strong healthy sex drive. And it’s easier to “fix” than the opposite—when you have a lagging libido with little to no interest in sex.

Why Am I Always Horny?

There’s no easy answer to this. Like our reader shares, he has always been super horny for sex. In my experience, most of us—men and women—have somewhat of a fixed libido. There are people who can take or leave sex, those of us who want as much as we can get, and many more who fall somewhere in between.

Read: How Often Should Couples Have Sex

Of course, there are going to be determinants outside our control that affect our sex drive—grief, loss, parenthood, financial and environment factors—throughout different times in our lives, to different degrees.

Some people say consumption of porn can have an effect on the level of our “horniness.” Others share that experiences—good, bad, and traumatic—affect how horny they are.

I’ve dated plenty of men who couldn’t keep their hands off of me, and it’s not just because they think I’m hot—much of that had to do with them just being super horny dudes in general. I had one boyfriend who wanted sex 2-3 times a day, and still masturbated in between.

If always being horny is interfering with your enjoyment of life and your relationships, then it’s time to work on changing that. Let’s look at what you can do to affect that change by taming the sexy beast within.

5 Ways to Stop Being Horny

1. Stop Watching Porn

This is for the guys out there who can admit they consume too much, their girlfriend says you watch to much, or you haven’t taken a porn break in a long time.

Not only can porn affect your level of horny, it can also have an ill effect on your performance. I know you know that porn sex isn’t “real sex,” but too much can work its way into your subconscious. Take a break to take your mind off of sex if you think you are horny all the time.

Read: Are You Addicted to Porn?

2. Enjoy Casual Sex

What I mean by casual sex, is dating more than one person at a time or different women for short flings or hookups. You might feel horny all the time because you haven’t had sex for a long time. Maybe you’re in a sexless relationship and need to move on, maybe you just got divorced, maybe you just haven’t had time because of school or work obligations.

Join a casual dating site, and put yourself out there. Getting laid on a regular basis can be the cure for being horny all the time. Feed the fantasy, so it’s not hungry all the time!

Read: How to Have More Sex in Your Life

3. Be Mindful

Mindfulness is a practice that works for all kinds of unwanted thoughts and behaviors, and not because they are “bad” per se, but because they are interfering with our lives or are just plain annoying.

When you find yourself feeling horny, switch your thoughts as quickly as you can. This may sound weird or corny to some of you, but it’s just about changing thought patterns through habit.

When you feel horny, take a deep breath and distract yourself with the thought of something unsexy—the presentation you are working on, what to buy for your mother’s birthday, or the latest stats of your favorite sports team.

4. Focus on You

If you feel horny all the time, it might be because you have too much time on your hands. Feeling horny can play out in actions, like groping your girlfriend every time she walks past, excessive masturbation, or intrusive thoughts.

Fill your time and space with activities that speak to your passions, just not your sexual passions. What do you like to read? What do you want to learn more about? Do you want to join a club or take lessons to expand an interest you already have?

It’s about replacing horny thoughts with something positive. Women are turned on by men who have passions, especially when they are actively pursuing them.

Read: Interests and Skills That  Impress Women

5. Talk about Feeling Horny

Feeling horny all the time can feel shameful to some men. They think that there is something wrong with them. If you can’t stop feeling horny all the time on your own, it’s okay to talk to a trusted friend or your partner about these feelings. They may have other solutions to try that are specific to your lifestyle or relationship.

If it’s something you aren’t comfortable talking to anyone in your immediate circle, then seek outside advice from a therapist or counselor.

Do you feel horny all the time? What, if anything, do you do about it?

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a woman’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex, we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter.

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