Hookup Help

Hookup Help: Masturbating Too Much?

Sex Candles

Hookup Help is a Q & A series on Hookupland. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you.

Q: My girlfriend gets pissed off because she thinks I masturbate too much. It’s gotten to the point where I hide this “hobby” from her and lie about how much I do it. I don’t think it has an affect on our sex life which is great, I think. She has a high sex drive like me, and I’m willing to go whenever she is. I make it my mission to make her come every time (which she does!) so I don’t get why she’s giving me such a hard time. If she only knew how much I masturbated before I met her. What’s the big deal? I thought most women understood that most of us men are total horndogs. Should I just continue to hide this from her?
– Scott

A: Hi Scott. I have experience with this one! I was in the same position as your girlfriend once. I had a boyfriend who satisfied my every kink with sex at least daily if not more. So, when I realized he also masturbated at least once a day, I was a little surprised and upset. I didn’t understand why he would want or need to jack himself off, if we were getting it on so much. He just said he had a super high sex drive and that it had nothing to do with me. But I couldn’t help feeling insecure about satisfying my guy, wasn’t I enough? So there’s the female perspective which maybe you’ve heard ad nauseum from your gal already.

I don’t think it’s a bad idea to hide how much you masturbate and do it when you’re alone, because maybe, no matter how much you try to allay her concerns about her abilities to keep you happy in the sac, it may not be enough. I think it only becomes a problem if it has an effect on the sex you have with your partner; because masturbating does lower testosterone levels, it can make you less inclined to want sex (although this doesn’t sound like a problem now). I just think that some men do have insanely high sex drives that need an overwhelming amount of satisfying. She should be so lucky! You might also try explaining to her that jerking off is often more about relieving stress than sex itself, which is true – it is a wonderful release. Another thing you might try is engaging in a little mutual masturbation, some women just want to be included.

Do you masturbate frequently? Does this bother your partner?

Need some advice? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny

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