Hookup Help: Meeting Women in Bars

Q: Dear Ava. I recently met a woman at a club.  She walked over and sat next to me. We began to converse with each other. She literally told me everything about herself. I purchased three drinks for her. I asked her out to dinner, and she agreed. She grabbed me and kissed me before she left the club. After making the reservation, she texted me and told me she had to attend several conventions over the next two weeks. She texted me and promised to keep in touch. It’s been a month, and I haven’t heard from her. I think she had drank too much and now is having second thoughts. What do you think happened?  And should I try to reconnect with her?

A: Hi Alex. The woman you describe sounds very confident: approaching a man, openly discussing “everything about herself” with a stranger, and agreeing to meet for dinner. And I like that you asked her out for as opposed to a one night stand – chivalry isn’t dead! Also, offering to buy a lady drinks is a nice gesture, much appreciated.

In the moment I think this woman was genuinely interested – her forward approach, the kiss, and because she gave you her cell number (something I never do and don’t recommend; I think men should give theirs until there have been a couple meetings… safety first!). These are all signs that a woman is interested and wants to see a man again, BUT when alcohol is involved things can become a little distorted (she may have had more drinks before the three you bought her) and a lady may act a little more brazen or say things she isn’t ready to follow through on.

Even though she may have truly been busy with work, if she didn’t get back in touch with you after a month then I would recommend moving on. She has your number, so who knows, she may resurface, but there are plenty of women out there to pursue and get to know. She may have had second thoughts, she may have met someone else, she may not want anything serious. Don’t stress yourself out with what you can only guess at. Best thing is to not let situations such as this shake your dating confidence… you sound like a genuine catch, Ian! Best luck with all your dating pursuits.

Read: How to Handle First Date Rejections

Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny

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