You know those cheesy Facebook quizzes, the ones that analyse your picture and tell you which of your friends is going to die with you in a zombie apocalypse? I’ve crafted a quiz much like that to tell you what your online dating profile pic says about you. I’ve generated the answers using a super complex algorithm—It’s called my vagina.
Bathroom Mirror Selfie
You’re a man of discerning taste. You refuse to have your picture taken by anyone other than yourself. You might be a purist who prefers only the most rudimentary of selfie techniques, or a connoisseur who’s tried it all (selfie sticks, severed human arms and duct tape) only to return to what you know and love.
Regardless of whatever path has led to its position as the leading picture on your dating profile, your brightly lit, toilet-boasting mirror selfie speaks to who you really are: a private man who’s in a hurry to get laid.
Extreme Adventure Shot
You’re a doer, not a Netflix and Chiller. You’re looking for an equally motivated lady to almost keep up with you, mostly because you want her to be in the optimal position to savor your oh-so-muscular ass. Y
You don’t need a partner in life, but a partner in crime! Life’s too short to waste, and you’re determined to get the most out of it (read: a blowjob on a mountain top).
Naked Torso and Bulging Muscles
You work hard on maintaining your smokin’ hot bod and you want the whole world to know it. Either that, or you put in zero effort and you want the ladies to marvel at your miraculously good luck. Sometimes you point the camera lower to capture your biggest asset, then send the pictures to any woman who expresses interest.
You know what you have to offer, and you know how to advertise it. But in the end, is there really that much of a demand?
Sunglasses in a Crowd
Who are you? Nobody knows. You could be that guy on the left, or that guy with a drink in his hand, or maybe you’re that dude in the corner with his hand on some lady’s thigh.
You’re one soul in the sea of humanity, wanting to remain lost and never found. Do you want to get laid? Of course! Sort of.
Smiling Face in a Natural Setting
You have dating confidence. You’re happy. You’re out there in the world, living your life and looking approachable. Could she picture herself with you? Probably. I mean, you are in an environment were people go to do things, fun things even!
The smile on your face says, “Come join me in this happy place. There might be cake, and a penis you will enjoy when the time is right.” And that’s all we ladies really want. Cake and appropriately timed cock.