We often talk about sex in the context of consent. And whether we are talking about our desires and fantasies, or reading body language and facial expressions for response cues, we often come across roadblocks. Even the kinkiest among us have our sexual boundaries, after all.
Ever wonder where others draw the line when navigating boundaries? Is there stuff you refuse to try, no matter who’s asking?
7 Examples of Sexual Boundaries
Here are some common no-go zones when it comes to people’s personal preferences for sexual activities.
1. Three’s a Crowd
Polyamory is becoming a widely accepted lifestyle, finally acknowledged in medical communities and beginning to see human rights acknowledgement when it comes to alternative families. That’s amazing, and I am part of that community myself.
But many draw the line at two. Kelly writes, “One guy at a time, and my hands are full. I like to bring my full attention to one person and expect the same from him, once we have established that we are going out.”
Lauren says, “I had a hookup where the guy was in the middle of going down on me and asked if he should ring his neighbor to get in on the action. If I am not enough for you, hit the road.”
2. Anal Sex
A common sexual boundary is anal sex.
“I actually love anal play and enjoy it when I have a boyfriend,” writes Zihara. “But I need to really trust you in order to relax. I am also wary of safety and disease, so it’s not something I hand out to just anyone during a hookup.”
“Exit only,” says Pamela. “I’m just old school that way. I don’t have that many boundaries, really. I like a lot of variety and find it fun to explore different fetishes with different guys. I love threesomes and women, too. But I do NOT want anything going up there!”
3. Two Penises
While lots of guys are getting busy in MMF threeways, or playing the poor cuck, or watching their hotwife get rammed, there are lots of you who draw the line at another penis.
“It’s fine watching dicks in porn, and I don’t care that half of my office mates are gay, it’s not about that at all,” says Noah. “It’s very simple—pussy makes my dick hard. I have zero desire to experiment with dudes. That’s really the only place I draw the line. I want to fuck women.”
4. Waste Not, Want Not
Dan Savage, the sex columnist who famously urges all lovers to be GGG—good, giving, and game—to their partner’s desires, has always been very clear about his own sexual no-go zone. He finds scat play and shit stuff gross.
There are folks with fetishes for feces, vomit, blood, cannibalism, and other kinds of gore, but most of us just can’t and won’t go there. “I’m very open minded and interested in just about every kind of sexual expression out there,” writes Kyle. “But I can’t help the ick factor when it comes to bodily waste.”
5. Illegal and Unethical Kinks
“It doesn’t matter how horny a fantasy makes me, or a taboo,” says Lissa. “There are no go zones that exist simply because it is not ethical. For example, I love vampire stuff and pain, all of that. I am into some dark shit, like consensual rape and torture BDSM. But actual rape and murder, sorry, no. Just because something could be exciting, to me or someone else, is not a green light for anything goes. Bestiality, necro stuff, or nonconsensual violence like abduction and (nonconsensual) sex slavery—these are impossible to have a willing participant by definition.”
6. Extreme BDSM
While it may seem from reading even the most mainstream publications that everyone and their dentist and mail carrier is involved in kinky orgies with all manner of BDSM and fetish, there are still lots of people who prefer to keep it simple.
“Honestly, I thought I was pretty much up for ANYTHING in bed,” says Theo. “My wife and I had some swinger fun in our younger years, and enjoyed a healthy physical relationship through middle age, some handcuffs and role play outfits in there, too. After her illness and passing, I eventually tried out the online thing and unwisely listed myself as ‘kinky’ because I was looking for adventurous ladies. Oh, how the times have changed!”
Theo enjoys taking a frisky female over his knee now and again, and is willing to please her in the ways that excite her- up to a point. “I’m more of a playful guy, I guess,” he says. “If whatever fetish she’s into is something she takes too seriously, I don’t really find any fun in that. A hanky spanky is one thing—serious BDSM is another. Let me just say I basically like the basics.”
I like a lot of kinky stuff, myself, but to each their own! There is plenty to be said for the hot and heavy basics, am I right?
As Madison writes, “Honestly, the excitement and beauty of making love is absolutely perfect in its natural state already. I don’t need bells and whistles. I don’t want them. I just want to be there in the moment, and not to have to embellish what is perfect in any way.”
7. Vanilla Sex
On the other hand, there are folks whose no-go zone is the vanilla lane.
“Look, we’ve all been there, done that,” writes Michelle. “I can’t waste my time on sex without imagination. I expect my partners to be open minded and willing to explore new territory, open to investing a little bit in the delicious psychological drama of the power games behind sex. I want to titillate your mind to its limits. Otherwise, I can stay home and order pizza. It’s more fulfilling than the old in and out. Not interested in the whole heteronormative way where I’m expected to serve you up your orgasm, and you can’t use your mind and body to create an adventure for my pleasure. So sorry.”
Do you have any sexual boundaries you can share with us?