What If You Want It More than She Does?

Last week I wrote the blog post “What If She Wants It More than You Do?” which dealt with the rarely broached subject of women’s libidos and the reality that they are sometimes larger than a male partner’s. This week, in the spirit of gender equality, I’m going to discuss the other side of the equation, namely how to handle things when it’s clear that you’re the one who can’t do without when your partner is less enthusiastic. So how should you approach the issue of your massive sexual desires with a partner who’s not as hot for it?

Whatever You Do, Don’t Force It
If your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you at any given time, there’s really not a lot you can do about it. I know that’s not very helpful, but it’s the reality of the situation. You don’t want to make her do it against her will because that’s called rape and we all know that’s not an acceptable option.  You also don’t want to pester her or come at her every chance you get because that gets annoying very quickly and will have the opposite effect of what you’re after. The best thing you can do is try to relax about it. Invest some time in your relationship and show your partner that you care for her in ways that go beyond the physical. In short, give her more reasons to want to get close to you. If she’s going through a tough time emotionally or feeling stressed out about something, it might be making her feel less open to sex. Try talking to her and discover ways that you can offer support.

Don’t Try to Guilt Her into It
It’s okay to share the fact that you have needs and to talk to your partner about it, but try to keep the conversation free of blame. Don’t make her feel that she owes you sex or that you’re going to withhold something from her out of spite. Nobody owes anybody sex. Ever. We are not put on this earth to serve one another that way. If your partner doesn’t want to put out as often as you’d like, respect her choice. If it’s an issue that you feel is making it hard for you to stay in the relationship, consider having a conversation about it and maybe seeking professional advice, but don’t expect to get laid by issuing an ultimatum. It might work once, but chances are she’ll hate you for it and be even less receptive to your advances next time.

Think of Alternatives
It’s just a fact of life that sometimes the strength of your desire is not going to match your partner’s. When this happens it might be time to break out the porn, or spend some time alone with your hand. Being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean the end of these rituals. You might want to practice them less, now that you have a partner, but don’t turn your back on them entirely, expecting her to pick up all the slack. It’s okay for you to take care of yourself when you need to. It’s better than being forever horny.

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