Talking dirty is a tricky thing to pull off. It seems like it should be so easy, but trust me – there’s an art to it. Many times I’ve been on the verge of orgasm, only to feel my pleasure deflate in the aftermath of a poorly executed or inappropriate remark. I’ve also experienced the opposite effect whereby my partner’s dirty talk has taken me right over the edge and made me cum harder than ever… so what’s the secret?
Knowing your partner really well makes it easier to perfect the dirty talk. When I think of the hottest words ever spoken to me in bed, they were delivered by a man who had taken the time to discover what really turns me on. He paid attention to my body and to how I was reacting to his words, and then built on that. Not every woman is going to be aroused by the same things, so it’s best to discover your partner’s preferences. I HATE being called a “dirty slut” for example, or being asked if I’m going to cum for my partner. (My inner voice always screams, “No… I’m going to cum for ME!”) Some women do enjoy being talked to like that, but it’s such a variable thing. One way to figure it out is to ask her what she likes. If that feels too weird, just pay attention to her responses. If she tenses up or looks uncomfortable or offended, chances are you’ve hit the wrong note.
Keep it Simple
The hottest dirty talk is simple and straightforward. I wouldn’t have thought so until I had a man bring me to near orgasm simply by telling me what he wanted to do with me… kind of like a matter-of-fact preview of coming events. What made it so hot is that he was in the moment and was speaking from a place of genuine desire. He didn’t try to say what he thought a man should say to a woman while fucking her, but rather what he was feeling and what he wanted. The difference was so clear to me… I got lost in what he was saying, instead of feeling distracted by it. He drew me in and made me anticipate his actions and it was SO INCREDIBLE. Of course, being able to express what you want, even to your partner, requires a certain amount of trust and opening up. That can take time, so don’t be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t happen right away.
Don’t Force It
Dirty talk is really only sexy when it comes about naturally. If you try to think of things to say in the moment just for the sake of sounding turned on, it won’t work. If, however, you feel the words rising up in you… say them! Just as you don’t want to force the dirtiness to come out, you also don’t want to hinder it if you feel it comes from a place of truth. It’s a bit of a delicate balance that requires being in touch with both your own desires and your partner’s responses. That’s why I think of it as an art form. It takes practice and vulnerability and when it’s truly inspired, it can’t be rushed. One way to know you’ve hit the sweet spot is if your dirty talk elicits an equally dirty response from your partner. Once that conversation starts, things will get exponentially hotter. Trust me.