I’m often hesitant to receive oral sex. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, most of the time I do. It’s more that I’m extremely aware of the challenges men face when it comes to the complexities of the female orgasm. I’ve sensed more than one partner’s confusion, or lack of confidence in that area and honestly, it’s understandable. The vagina is a mysterious creature, whose very nature is influenced by an even more mysterious thought process. With that in mind, here are a few things I wish for you all to know about giving good head.
Take Your Time Getting There
Approach your partner’s entire body as if it’s one big erogenous zone. Don’t feel that you have to rush things by focusing in on the obvious areas of pleasure. The buildup to orgasm can begin with the first kiss, or even a simple brush of the cheek. It’s all about the intention behind the act, and about the feeling that you are exactly where you want to be at that moment. When you finally do reach the point of going down on your partner, you should feel that it’s because your partner is already so aroused that she NEEDS you to do it.
This goes back to feeling that you are enthusiastically there with your partner in the present moment. What is her body telling you? Does she respond more to a certain pressure of your tongue? Does she prefer it if you go faster or slower? Does she even want you to go down on her? I’ve found that some men tend to slip into some kind of trance that locks them into doing the same motions over and over again. While this kind of repetitive technique might be effective near the end, when your partner is just about to come, the buildup to that is more of a varied thing, based on her degree of sensitivity and desire. Part of reading your partner in this way is just knowing her well. Even if you haven’t known each other for very long and you aren’t sure how to decode her signals, there’s no harm in asking what she wants!
Be Open to Suggestions
If your partner feels confident enough to come right out and tell you what she wants you to do, consider it a gift! Please don’t think of it as criticism, or an indication that you are somehow lacking. Often women feel shy about speaking up, and I think it’s partly because it can be hard for some men to take direction. Maybe you feel that, as THE MAN, you should just know how to please your partner, but that’s a very cruel and unrealistic pressure to put on yourself. It’s actually a greater sign of confidence and self-esteem if you can take in what your partner is saying and make adjustments as needed. She will know that you’re listening and appreciate the effort.
Set Aside Your Ego
I’ve never faked an orgasm, but I can understand why some women do. Sometimes it can feel like it’s my job to orgasm for my partner so that he can feel good about himself. There are a whole bunch of gender-related social pressures to blame for that one, but just remember that your ultimate purpose in going down on your partner is to make HER feel good. Also keep in mind that there are many reasons your partner might not be in to you going down on her at any given time, none of which are a commentary on your ability to please her.
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