Great sex is more than carefully choreographed moves—it’s about being fully present in the moment and creating a clear line of communication between your body and mind.
If you’re like me, you might find it difficult to nurture that connection. Maybe when it comes time to relax and be in the moment, you start thinking about all the work you have to do before the deadline, or the fact that your credit card is maxed out. Or maybe you feel so insecure about your body that you want to forget it’s even there!
So what can you do to improve your sex life and strengthen the link between these two very important parts of yourself?|
Feeling connected to your body doesn’t always come naturally, so it helps to practice a little bit each day. Sit quietly for five minutes. Close your eyes and notice all the sensations that are happening throughout your body.
Feel your feet resting on the floor, and the weight of your body in the chair. Make a passing note of any sounds you hear, but try to focus mostly on your tactile experience. If you find yourself getting distracted, pay attention to your breathing until your focus returns.
Put Your Skills to the Test
When it comes time to get it on, use all that mindfulness training to your advantage. Zero in on what feels good in the moment, and try to forget about everything else. This can be easier said than done, especially if you’re stressed about work, or worried about your performance.
If you find that your mind wonders, don’t worry, just bring it back to your body and to your partner’s responses. If it helps, imagine that the two of you are connected to a warm flow of energy that’s carrying you on a wave, all the way to orgasm.
Use Imagery to Stay Focused
When I’m going down on my partner, I like to imagine that there are glowing balls of light inside him. The more turned on he gets, the more these balls coalesce to form a line, which grows bigger and brighter until he just can’t hold it in any longer.
I find that using a mental image helps to keep me in the moment, but everyone is different. You might be more of an auditory person who prefers to focus on your partner’s moans or dirty talk. Experiment to discover what works best for you.
Trust Your Body
Let your body do what it wants to do naturally. Don’t get too caught up in controlling your movements or worrying about if you’re doing it right.
Over time, strengthening your mind-body connection should help you to feel more comfortable in your own skin, which will boost your confidence and make it easier for you to trust your sexual instincts. It just takes a bit of practice and a willingness to get there.