You can’t tell me you’ve never fantasized about sex with an ex? In fact, you’ve probably already done it, maybe more than once. Most of us have an ex that still fuels the fires of desire, whether it ended amicably or with someone’s heart being bruised.
I’ve had these feelings, and I’ve reached out to several exes over the years, with varying results. There were some hookups, and polite declines, and thankfully no harsh fuck yous. So in my opinion, it’s worth the risk, as long as you use your best judgement and common sense regarding why you’re not still together.
Here are my hard and fast rules for reaching out to an ex and getting down with an old flame.
4 Rules for Hookups with an Ex
1. Don’t reach out to someone you really hurt.
We all know it’s a lot harder being on this end of a breakup. And in most cases, the dumped never want to see that partner ever again, or at least not for a good long while. When you’re thinking of looking for an ex to hook up with, your best chances are with someone who ended things with you. Is that fair? Maybe not, but it’s the way it works best. If you can stomach a second rejection, put out your feelers.
2. Ask how they’re doing, not if they’re DTF.
Women know that when an ex sends out a feeler what they’re really thinking about, so you don’t need to ask directly and risk a hit to your ego. Just send a text to ask how she’s doing. If you don’t hear back, that’s your answer. If she responds, use your best judgement whether you should ask for a meet up, that doesn’t necessarily guarantee sex, but at least opens the door to the possibility.
One more thing: don’t try to start a conversation on social media comments—it’s not polite when you don’t know how things stand with someone.
3. Let her take the lead.
Even if she broke things off and you feel like you’re still in the passenger seat, stay there. She’ll feel more comfortable about a hookup with an ex if she feels in control. Let her make plans to see you, or suggest coming to your place or having you over to hers. If she has ground rules, like only hooking up once, respect that.
Because there’s emotions involved when it comes to sleeping with our exes, you both may want to go over a few boundaries before getting it on. You can play a little more fast and loose if this is someone you’ve already had post-breakup hookups with.
4. Be good, giving, and game.
Know that not everyone has an ex they can text and hook up with, so first be thankful, and second be giving. Even if she has no desire to ever get with you again, remind her what the initial magic was all about. Use your intel to hit her sweet spots the way you remember she likes it. Put your orgasm second in line, ravish her, tease her, use her favorite positions.
Even when a woman doesn’t want to be in a relationship, you can still be at the top of her list of past lovers—and that’s never a bad place to be.
Do you ever hook up with exes? Share your tips in the comments!