When the word commitment comes up, people often think about marriage or moving in with a partner, but it can also refer to being monogamous. A commitment to only having sex with each other is sometimes spoken about or implied early on in a dating relationship relationship.
Many people today want to date more than one person, without any commitment now or on the horizon, and these types of connections may or may not involve sex. I have a friend who dates a new woman every week, and says most of the time that sex isn’t part of it, that he just enjoys meeting new people to expand his thinking.
We used to call people like my friend commitment phobes, but that’s not fair. The world is a stressful place with enough commitment in other forms that not everyone wants to have this kind of interpersonal relationship.
You can still enjoy human connection, compassion, and intimacy without commitment, as long as you keep it real. Let’s look at some ways to do just that.
How to Date without Commitment
Understand Your Connection to Commitment
What does commitment mean to you? If you are a self-proclaimed commitment phobe, do you understand why you are afraid? Do you have a pattern of dating that is self-destructive or hurtful to others? Can you commit in other areas of your life: friendships, familial obligations, work deadlines, school studies?
It’s fine to want to date without commitment, but if there are underlying issues that cause regular fallout from your free-wheeling ways, it’s worth taking a closer look.
Be Open with Potential Dates
It’s preferable to women to know ahead of meeting if you’re not interested in any kind of commitment. Honesty prevents wasting our time, or worse, meeting you and thinking we can change your mind. It’s absolutely okay to say in a dating profile, “I’m a no-strings guy just looking for friendship or casual sex.”
Every woman I know has been strung along by a man who wasn’t clear about his intentions because a roll in the hay was more important than hurt feelings. Now that most people use online dating to meet, there is no excuse. Lay it out, so you will meet women who want the same thing.
Check In Frequently with Ongoing Connections
A lack of commitment doesn’t mean you can’t have ongoing relationships with women. But it does mean that deeper feelings may develop, that she may change her mind about commitment. Or maybe it’s you that will change. It’s just human nature.
Let’s just say, a one night stand or weekend fling is much safer than a six-month booty-call buddy in terms of commitment.
Keep Your Other Connections to Yourself
When a woman understands that you date other women, it’s not an invitation to share information about said women. Just as you don’t want to hear about her other casual-sex hookups, she doesn’t want to hear about yours.
Jealousy is a natural human emotion that doesn’t always understand the specifics of a commitment-free relationship, and it can also be a signal to us (before we are even consciously aware) that we do want some kind of commitment.
Do you enjoy dating without commitment? Please share your tips!