Hooking Up with your Ex: How to Make it Work

Hooking up with an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend is a minefield. There are plenty of reasons not to do it, but we all have needs, right? We could bore you with a list of all the reasons you shouldn’t do it, but where’s the fun in that? You never listen to good advice anyway.

So with the caveat that hooking up with an ex that you don’t intend to officially reunite with is almost always a bad idea, here’s how to increase the chances of getting through the bad decision with the least amount of carnage. Who knows, you two might just be the exception that disproves the rule!

First, make sure enough time has passed after the breakup. If one of you is still crying themselves to sleep every night, it’s too soon. Nothing clouds the judgement like sex, and no one wants to have a post-coital conversation about “why don’t you love me anymore?”

Be clear to yourself and to your ex about your intentions. If you or they are not truly past the initial relationship’s emotional content, you need to know this. Be clear that this is only a hookup, not a resumption of the old dating relationship. Telling them after the fact, is not the same as being forthright from the get-go, so don’t be a jerk. Pay attention to their reaction when you suggest hooking up, preferably in-person so you can see if they’re on the same page or if they think that this will rekindle the old flame.

Make sure to ONLY hookup. No reverting to dating behavior. No going to a movie and dinner, no activities outside of getting busy. If you fall into the trap of hanging out together and having sex, there’s a word for that: Dating. Congratulations, you’re now in a relationship with this ex again, whether you admit it or not.

Be very careful about what you say. If you’re a dirty talker, make sure it stays firmly on the side of dirty. If you start trying to talk about love during sex, all is lost. Same thing goes for compliments, don’t tell your partner how attractive they are or anything else that might be construed as an opening to something more.

Most importantly, be prepared to bail. At the first sign of complication or feelings, you need run for the hills. You can be upfront about this. This is after all an agreed hookup situation, and the last thing you want is to be back in the situation that you escaped from. You do remember it, don’t you?

Have you ever hooked up with an ex? Dare to share in the comments below?

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