Hooking Up with Crazy Women

Uh-oh, Psy-cho…!

Of course psychos come in both genders. I date women, so I only have experience with psychochicks, but I’m sure the general idea applies to psychodudes, too. What you need to know is this: they’re out there, and your instincts about them are right. Trouble is, we can be masters of ignoring our instincts when booty is at stake. Even psychobooty.

Look, I’m no shrink. But I’m not talking about subtleties of mental health. Too many times in the past I’ve ignored red flags that could have been spotted from the moon simply because I was sure I was going to get into her pants. Maybe I’ve finally reached a level of maturity that allows me to think with the proper head, who knows; but these days I would rather resort to my own company than take my chances on a psycho. No matter how hot she is.

If you find yourself on a first date and the girl across from you is suffering from see-sawing mood swings, run. I’ve discussed this with a few guys and we all hung our heads in shame for having been in that situation and regrettably stayed put. Why did we stay? “You should have seen her!”

Once, a girl (who was obviously as unstable as a bobblehead) asked me back to her place. After a bit of nothing-more-than-kissing, she was bursting to show me the contents of a “precious” folder: a collection of advertisements ripped from magazines, each of which displayed a happy couple. “Look,” she said. “It’s us.”  Eeeeeeew-kay, I thought. My actions, however, were of a nature much more accepting of her collection.  Why? Meh, I thought… I’m here, might as well get lucky.

You get the idea. Basically there are two issues here: guys should stop taking advantage of the fact that psychochicks are often an easy lay because they’re emotionally vulnerable, and guys should remember that these chicks are psycho. In your mind it may be a one-night stand; in hers, the delusions have begun. Those who act on desperation and neediness in matters of flesh/heart can be dangerous. Not necessarily physically, but there are ways. Stalking, phone calls, e-bombs. Or physically.

Unless you’re prepared to stick around and diligently see to it that your new psychochick keeps on her meds and follows her curfew, it’s time to man-up and draw on that untapped resource of willpower.

Be honest about what your instincts are telling you when you meet someone. First impressions aren’t always fair, and they can become awfully cockeyed while you’re on the prowl for muff. It’s better to err on the side of trepidation until you’re sure your date’s head doesn’t bobble.

Long Live the Ladies!

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