Some people are ultra private when it comes to dating and hookups and relationships. And back in the day, before social media, it was a lot easier to keep things on the down low.
I was recently on an airplane across from a couple whose epic in-flight battle commenced when she shoved her phone in his face to show him an Instagram picture she saw of him with another woman. It was a very uncomfortable scene—him squished in his window seat, with nowhere to run or hide. It made me long for the simpler days before social media.
It’s not like cheating and alike wasn’t as rampant… it was. And it’s not about not being caught. It’s that many innocent interactions can be misconstrued and cause a lot of unpleasantness or worse.
Let’s assume your dating reputation is in the toilet. It happens to the best of us, but if you want to clean up your act, not be a pariah to the women in the know, it is possible to get your reputation back to a respectable level.
5 Ways to Clean Up Your Dating Act
1. Date Exclusively
Part of a negative dating reputation is dating multiple women. It just stings to find out the guy who seemed super interested only cares about sex, when she finally has the nerve to ask where the five or so dates you’ve had are going.
Can you be a player without a bad reputation? I think so, but it involves up-to-date honesty from the start.
2. Stop Cheating
Infidelity is a hallmark of the bad reputation. It was rampant when I was younger so much so that I wondered at one point if it was just what guys did. Don’t be THAT guy who makes women wonder.
Be casual, but make sure women know that from date #1. A lot of guys don’t because they know it’s going to hurt their chances of getting laid. There are plenty of women who want no-strings sex—put that extra effort in, and you will find them. If one woman is never enough, explore polyamory.
3. Keep the Details to Yourself
There’s nothing more crass than a man who goes around bragging about his sexual escapades. No one wants to hear about grabbing women by the pussy—it’s foul and disgusting behavior that impresses no one.
Actions on the other end of the spectrum are what builds a good reputation among women. We want to hear how well you treat women, in and out of relationships. It won’t matter if you’ve had a lot of hookups if women sing your praises for how you treat them, in and out of the bedroom.
4. Change Your Scene
An easy way to develop a reputation in the first place is to spend all your time at the same place. If a lot of your hookups are met at the same local hangouts, people notice and people talk and eventually you have yourself a reputation, good or bad. Women will be warned to “watch for that one.” A lot of this is just human nature, and you can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you react.
Spread your wings and move outside your comfort zone. Frequent new bars, join new clubs where you might meet women, sign up for a softball team, go to the museum, take a cooking class. This kind of dating is more natural and you gain new skills or develop new interests at the same time. It’s a win-win.
5. Start Fresh
A fresh start can be as simple as abandoning the dating sites you are currently on or as drastic as moving to a new city, state, province, or country. (I do know men that had to do this; their lives, dating included, had become full-on dumpster fires. Did it work? I know of one who got married the year after ditching his bad boy ways.)
But let’s start with joining new dating apps. You can redesign your profile to fit who you are NOW, not THAT guy who wrote it eight years ago in the frat house. Be honest when you write it, share a positive attitude, and speak clearly and plainly about what it is you’re looking for. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself and get your dating life back on track.
Does any of this resonate with you? Please share in the comments!