There are many reasons why we hook up with friends. You live in a small town where the dating pool is so shallow you might drown. You both get a bit tipsy and consensually decide to give it a go. You have a crush on your bestie, and you’re hoping it will lead to something real. Or you both just feel horny and sex deprived, and one thing leads to another.
The list of reasons goes on, and I’ve been there more than a few times, so I’m not judging. What I can offer is a few tips that will help with the transitions, into and out of the hookup, that will help maintain not just the integrity of the friendship, but the friendship itself.
Dos and Don’ts for Hookups with Friends
DO think about it before you do it.
I’m all for spontaneous sex, but with so much at risk—a real lasting friendship—ask yourself first if it’s really worth it. Let your mind wander down the hypothetical highway of how things might end up. You’ll know with a little forethought if you should make a move.
DON’T do it if either of you is involved.
I’ve been there, and it ain’t pretty. Maybe you’re single and you don’t mind being the “other guy.” Or she keeps telling you she’s going to break up with her dud of a boyfriend, so you don’t think her being in a relationship matters. You don’t need a raging beau on your tail, so it’s best to channel your desires elsewhere.
DO talk about it first.
For the two-horny-friends scenario, try to have a conversation about what you’re proposing or about to do. A dialogue about your desires will help you know if you’re both on the same page. If you both feel you can stay emotionally detached for a one-night hookup, then maybe it’s worth the risk. Or if you both realize you’re falling for the other, that may be a signal to go for it, or wait and try some sex-free dating first.
DON’T share the details.
There’s a chance one or both of you might regret things afterwards, and hope that things can just go back to normal. And that’s possible, but sexual discretion is imperative. Depending on your age and the scene or circle you and her are in, sharing details of your hookup can be damaging, embarrassing, and disrespectful. Good or bad, keep it to yourself.
DO be a great lover.
Even though I told you to be discreet, let’s be honest: she is likely to have that one close friend who she tells everything to (most of us do, and that’s the end of the grapevine). You may have that one dude as well. Give her a great story to tell, but make it a memory for her to cherish for a long time to come. Sex with a friend can be awkward for sure, but use the familiarity and knowledge you already have to go for the gold.
DON’T have great expectations.
Even if you try your darndest to please her and give her the night of her life, don’t have any grand illusions. She may be ready to rock ‘n’ roll on the way from the bar to your place, but when the clothes come off, everything just might fall apart. Sometimes I call this the sibling effect: you feel so close to a friend, that they feel like family (totally weird for sex). Or you may get so anxious you can’t keep it up. Don’t dwell, just have a laugh and move on from it.
What are your personal dos and don’ts when it comes to hooking up with friends?