Does Your Date Find You Funny or Insulting?

Last week I wrote a post about how to use humor to impress a date. You might think I’m full of shit when I tell you this, but if given the choice between a guy with rock-hard abs and a guy with a sense of humor, I’d choose the funny guy every time. Humor is sexy! BUT (and this is a big but) only if it’s done well.

So how can you tell if your date is having fun and not just sitting there flinching at your every attempt to make her laugh? It can be hard to read body language and emotional cues when you’re nervous or focusing on making a good impression, so here are some clues to tell you whether she thinks you’re funny or insulting.

She thinks you’re funny if…

She’s Teasing You Back

This is the best sign. It means she gets your sense of humor and is giving it right back to you. In the land of funny people, mutual teasing equals flirting.

For as much as I love funny people, I have what I like to call a “malfunctioning tease detector.” I don’t always recognize when people are teasing me, so when it becomes clear, I’m so relieved and I love to tease back. Give her a few minutes to catch on, then enjoy the banter.

She’s Laughing

Obviously, this is a good sign. By laughing I don’t mean the tightly contained, obligatory chuckling of someone who’s trying to be polite. That’s not real laughter. Real laughter is loud and spontaneous, sometimes hidden behind a napkin or carefully placed hand.

If it’s really genuine, her laughter might bring with it embarrassing snorts, or the ejection of food and drink from her nostrils. That’s how you know you’ve charmed her for sure.

She’s Trying to Get Closer

Laughter coupled with touching or a move to sit closer is a sure sign that she thinks you’re both sexy and hilarious. At a certain point, if things move in the direction of getting physical, you’ll want to dial back on the humor a bit. Sometimes jokes can ruin the mood when things get really hot and heavy.

The important thing to keep in mind is timing. There’s a time and a place for jokes and a time and a place for passion. Of course, if the sex is awkward it sometimes helps to joke about it!

She thinks you’re insulting if…

She’s Defensive

Pay attention to how your date responds to your teasing. Does she argue with you or try to correct you? If so, she might be getting offended.

Not everyone understands teasing on an innate level. She might be taking you seriously, and it could be giving her the totally wrong impression of you. If this is happening, stop teasing her. You might want to point out that you’re only joking, although if she’s in a defensive mood, she might take that the wrong way, too. Just take a breath and start over.

She’s Avoidant

If she’s worried about offending you back, she might not get defensive. Instead, she might try to distance herself from you by checking her phone, looking away, or adjusting her posture to sit farther away. If she’s doing any of these things, you can be sure she’s planning her escape or trying to retreat to her happy place, free of the arrogant jerk who thinks he’s being funny.

Check your humor. Are you making off-colored jokes at the expense of others? Remember, real humor has no casualties, except for maybe yourself if you do something embarrassing.

She’s Not Saying Much

If she’s just sitting there staring at her food and not contributing to the conversation, she’s probably not feeling your particular brand of funny. Sometimes people aren’t compatible on that level and there’s nothing you can do about that. It feels super awkward in the moment, almost as bad as bombing at an open mike comedy night, but you just have to suffer through it until the night is over. Then you can go home and cry yourself to sleep, or laugh at your own jokes all the way home on the bus, it’s your call.

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