Before we begin, let me ask you two questions: Would you stand among a group of women and shout, “Hey beautiful!” in hopes that one of them is flattered? Would you whip your dick out in front of that same group of women, then go from one to the next and ask, “You likey?” Chances are you wouldn’t, so why do so many of you feel that you can get away with it online?
When you are messaging with a woman, you are having a conversation, it’s that simple. Here are some common conversational pitfalls to avoid.
5 Online Dating Messaging Mistakes
1. Copying and Pasting
You might think you’re being clever, writing a generic message that you hope sounds individualized, but you’re not fooling anyone. Exhibit A: “Hey sexy, I like your style. Looks like we have a few things in common. Hit me up so we can get to know each other better.”
I guarantee the woman who receives this won’t be thinking, OOH! I wonder what things we have in common! Instead she’ll wonder why you can’t be more specific.
2. Not Mentioning Anything from Her Profile
Any woman you choose to contact wants to feel that you’ve put some time and effort into things, and that you’ve chosen to write to her because she stands out in more ways than just the physical.
Failing to mention anything specific about her profile will give her the impression that you’ve sent a generic message to not only her, but also countless other women. Read her profile! All the way through! Some women include questions at the end, just to see if you’ve been paying attention. Don’t let laziness make you look like an ass.
3. Not Asking Questions
It’s important to not only answer the questions she’s asking, but to think up a few of your own. It’s called reciprocity, and it’s what keeps the conversation alive. I hate when I’m messaging with a guy and I have to do all the work: “So you’re an artist?”… “Yes.”… “What medium do you work in?”… “Acrylic.”… And on and on.
Messaging is not the same as talking on the phone or in person. It’s slower paced and requires a bit more of a push. You want to give her a reason to keep contacting you. Sure, she might enjoy learning about your artistic method, but probably not one word at a time, and definitely not without any show of interest from you.
4. Not Paying Attention to Her Responses
One way to convey your interest is to keep track of what she’s putting out there. Don’t get so caught up in what you’re writing that you forget to register little details, or the changing mood of the conversation. I’ve noticed, especially in cases where the messaging turns a bit steamy, that some guys have a hard time changing gear.
Just because she starts sexting you, it doesn’t mean she wants to receive increasingly dirty texts, culminating in unsolicited dick pics. Recognizing when she wants to slow things down or change the subject is key. Try not to get too caught up in fantasies of your desired outcome, just stay in the moment and see where things go.
5. Sending Too Many Messages
If you don’t hear from her for a day or two, resist the urge to contact her more than once. Even the most promising of connections can turn sour, if she feels that you’ve become desperate or obsessive.
If the two of you had agreed to message at a certain time, but she hasn’t responded, it’s okay to send something like, “Hey, I can see you’re busy. Just get back to me when you can.” This shows that you care about being in touch, but that you understand she has a life. Try not to take it personally, especially early on. Nobody wants to feel that they are being stalked.