Do you identify as “laid back” or “easy going” so don’t understand why you attract so much drama? Perhaps you’ve gone so far as to state your aversion to drama in your online dating profile, “No drama, no fatties, no problem.” But are still met with crazy behavior and unreasonable demands at every turn!
It’s time you took a deep look within, my friend, because I’m willing to bet that your overall approach to hookups is at least partly—if not entirely—to blame.
4 Ways to Keep Your Hookups Drama Free
1. Establish Boundaries
Before hooking up, have a conversation about the limits of your arrangement. Does it come with a pre-determined expiration date? Are overnights permitted? How about contact outside the bedroom? Some hookups include a no-strings-attached stipulation, while others are more free flowing.
The specifics of your arrangement are not all that important, what matters most is that the two of you are on the same page. Drama thrives where expectations differ, so be sure to really hammer things out.
2. Be Discreet
Unless your partner gives you permission to open up about your involvement with one another, assume that she wants to keep it on the DL. Be respectful of her privacy. Don’t randomly show up at her place of work, or say hi to her on the street if it’s clear she’s with someone else. Don’t take her picture—fully clothed or otherwise—without consent, then show it to all your friends. And last but not least, don’t share details of your sexual dalliances with anyone.
If you’re just hooking up, you probably have no idea what her situation really is. Why incite drama when you can avoid it?
3. Don’t Hook Up with an Ex
Even though it might seem like a good idea at the time, hooking up with someone you’ve previously dated is a minefield of drama and misery. Sure, the sex was good back in the day and probably will be again. Yes, it has been a while and there are no hard feelings, but what about all those other feelings that once dominated your heart and mind with regards to this person?
Is it not possible—ahem, likely—that sex will bring them back to the fore? Don’t go there. Make a clean break and hook up with someone new.
4. Know When It’s Over
Casual hookup arrangements don’t last forever. They can be a lovely distraction, or a temporary cure for loneliness. Contrary to what countless romcoms would have us believe, though, they hardly ever turn into loving romances. You’ll know it’s time to call it quits when one of you is no longer eager to be in touch, when it’s hard to arrange dates, or when the sex loses its spark.
One-sided feelings are also a solid reason to end things. If one of you wants something that the other just can’t give, get the hell out. There’s nothing more dramatic than unrequited love.
Do you experience hookups with drama? Share you story in the comments!