Are you of the opinion that something good hasn’t really happened until you’ve received praise for it? Like you got an award at work, but it doesn’t count unless there was a ceremony and you got to say a speech in front of your colleagues?
I wonder if this attitude is part of what prompts so many men to brag about their sexual experiences? I know there’s way more to it than that, like the fact that society calculates a man’s worth based on the degree of his sexual experience, or that in certain circles, being a man requires a lot of posturing and a glib attitude about sex.
There’s a lot to overcome if we want men to be more discreet with regards their hookups. Here’s my contribution to the cause.
4 Reasons to Keep Your Mouth Shut after Sex
1. She Might Be a Private Person
It’s crucial to think of more than just yourself when deciding if you’ll tell people about your casual hookups. If you can’t help but share, at least change your dates’ names, or ask if they mind being identified. Not everyone feels comfortable sharing details of their sex lives, and you should never assume that they do.
You can always ask something like, “Is it cool if I tell people about this or would you prefer to keep it on the DL?” If she’s an open person, she might think it’s cute that you asked. If she’s more private, she’ll appreciate it. Either way you come out looking good.
2. There Is a Double Standard when It Comes to Sex
Everyone is aware of this fact, no? If you aren’t, then consider yourself educated. One reason that a woman might prefer to keep her hookups private is that being open about it could bring on a deluge of slut shaming. That’s right, even in this day and age, women are at risk of having their lives ruined just for following through with their sexual desire.
This is absolutely fucked up, and we still have a long way to go before women are treated equally in this regard. Think of your sisters or mother. Would you like any of them to have their character dragged through the mud because they chose to have sex? Okay, I know nobody likes to think of their mother or sisters having sex, but you get my point.
3. News Travels Fast
Don’t trust friends with your sexual secrets. Even if you think they would never tell anyone, it’s too risky to take the chance. As mentioned, there’s way too much on the line for your hookup partner. If you need to share anything, do so in a way that she could never be identified, because once news gets out, it could travel quickly to her social circles.
If it was a really casual hookup, you don’t know enough about her to determine if blabbing could have serious repercussions. Maybe she’s married. Or a nun. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to be branded as a salacious she-devil for opening her legs to you.
4. You Might Ruin a Good Thing
If none of my previous arguments were convincing enough, let me appeal to your selfish side: Telling people about all the amazing sex you just had could extinguish the possibility of a repeat hookup, and can you really afford that risk?
Even if the sex was shitty and you’re telling people just for the story, you could become known as Douchey McAssface or that dude who can’t keep his sexual exploits to himself. Not only could this ruin your short-term chance of sex, but it could also screw your chances of hooking up with other women in the future. Is any of this really worth the tiny boost to your ego you get from bragging about your sex life?