Am I the Problem?
So, you haven’t had a decent date in a while. Or any date. Don’t get all depressed about it. It’s not you. Nor is it a sign that you’re doomed to die alone. Dry spells happen. But take a lesson from nature—the rains eventually comes.
Here’s the thing: if you’re a regular online dater, you’re going to start recognizing profiles. After a while it’ll start to feel like the same-old-same-old. You’re probably not imagining it. It is the same-old-same-old. Profiles get stagnant; there are lulls in new member sign-ups.
One of the effects this can have on us (arguably worse than the irrational belief that we’re destined to be alone forever) is a tendency to lower the bar, to just keep dating, despite the fact that the pickins are slim, or unimpressive. Settling-for-less can be an easy option. But it’s ultimately a disappointing one, and not worth the effort.
I’ve finally managed to come to approach dry spells rationally and to use the dry spell to my advantage. I know more women will eventually sign up online. New women will cross my path. And once I’ve reconciled that, I take a detour instead. I welcome the time-out from dating to do something different. I’ve taken night classes. I’ve travelled. I’ve dived into the stack of books I’d been meaning to read. I’ve even taken piano lessons! I’ll spend time with friends I haven’t seen in while. And on and on. It’s hardly a newsflash that everything we do, witness, and experience shapes our lives, hopefully adding to it in some positive way.
So once I get back to dating, two things happen: I feel inspired and invigorated by change and accomplishment, and I discover new women have been signing up since I’ve been away. No more same-old. Once again, for a while at least, it’s new-new. And maybe some of those activities I’ve been up to will widen my net of possibilities, give me more in common with more women, and as a result make those dry spells fewer and fewer.
And in the meantime, goodness knows, one should never underestimate the healing powers of a good wank.
…and from a female perspective, read: Getting Out of an Online Dating Rut