Hooking Up with an Ex

Old Lover, New Tricks

Ever hook up with a lover you haven’t been with for some time, only to discover they are overwhelmed by the tricks you’ve picked up in the meantime? It can get yukky.

The worst of it is the jealousy. Where’d you learn that? Who were you with? Or it makes them feel as though they’ve been missing out while you’ve been having the time of your life.

I guess I understand. But it’s unavoidable that our sexuality evolves through each lover. How can it not? Think back to puberty, even: When we first start to “discover ourselves,” we set course on a learning curve that lasts for years, possibly the rest of our lives. We uncover new responsive areas, ride them for a while, and before we know it we’re developing a repertoire.

Same goes with lovers. They’ll show us or do something we’ve never experienced, and we’ll love it and hang on to it. Trouble is, it adds up, and how are we meant to keep track of where we learned what and with whom?! Mostly we can’t (other than the life-changers: First Swallow, First Group Sex, First Stinky Pinky kinda things).

And there’s only one solution:

Those who can’t bear the thought of a former lover having grown sexually need to get over it or they’ll miss the boat on some great shagging.

Cuz the sad truth is, if you’re uncomfortably asked where you learned to do that thing you’re doing, then your old lover probably has been missing out. Otherwise you’d be showered with new tricks. Instead you get smothered in a blanket of post-coital silence. I know — I’ve been a victim of it more than once.

So you:

  1. stick to the old songbook… good luck remembering the notes.
  2. dish out the new material regardless of the reaction, which is pretty crappy.
  3. avoid sleeping with any ex who was about anything other than awesome sex… my top pick.

Jealousy is a mighty powerful buzzkill.

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