4 Things that Affect a Woman’s Sex Drive

Are you thrown by your girlfriend’s hot-and-cold treatment? Do you feel that her desire (or lack thereof) follows an arbitrary set of rules that only Alan Turing could decode? I’m here to say it’s time to take a deep breath, and remember the KISS principle: “Keep it Simple, Stupid.”

There are probably some very straightforward reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t want to fuck you right now. I’ll break it down into four things to consider.

4 Things that Affect a Woman’s Sex Drive

1. Emotions

It’s no surprise that emotions—how she feels about you, how she’s feels about herself, how she feels in general—factor greatly into whether or not your lady wants to get down and dirty. It’s impossible to say what combination of emotions might get her in the mood, as it depends on her personality and the situation.

What’s important is that you learn to read her signals. Is she turned on and aching to ride the wave of her current feelings, or is she shut down and physically withdrawn? When in doubt, ask.

2. Energy

Working long hours, feeling stressed out, or taking care of kids and family can be super exhausting and could very well leave your partner wanting none of what you and your dick have to offer. Pick up the slack wherever possible. Learn about what replenishes her energy, and work it into your date nights. (Does she like massages? Laughter? Extreme sports?)

Above all else, acknowledge when she feels tapped out, and don’t push for sex. Let her know that you want her, offer your support and a chance to rest, then let her come to you.

3. Hormones

Depending on where she’s at in her monthly cycle, your girlfriend could feel erotically charged, completely frigid, or anywhere in between. Some women get horny when menstruating, others hang a closed sign on their vagina for the entire bloody duration. These days I feel most sexual when ovulating. I assume this has something to do with Darwin and the Biological Imperative, but whatever.

Get in touch with your lady’s rhythms and understand that much of it is beyond her control. Some hormonal changes can cause vaginal dryness, yeast infections, or vaginitis, so be sensitive to that.

4. Health

If she’s feeling under the weather, chances are your girlfriend won’t want to fuck you. That said, there have been times in my life when a little hot beef injection was all I needed to feel better. In short, always ask and never assume.

Mental health can also have an impact on how sexy your partner feels. If she’s depressed or anxious, her libido could suffer. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are a common class of drug used to treat mood disorders, and while they can be effective at their job, they are notorious for making it difficult—if not impossible—to come. Have patience and remember, it’s not always about you.

What else can you think of that affects a woman’s sex drive?