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Small Penis and Premature Ejaculation Advice

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Q: “I’m a 38-yr-old guy who has a two-inch penis, and I suffer from super-fast premature ejaculation. I’ve only been with one girl my whole life and that was over ten years ago, because it was so embarrassing. Most of time I would ejaculate before we got through foreplay, and it messed me up every time it happened.

Now I’m scared to even act like I want sex from a woman. I’m scared to talk to women, not to mention the everyday struggle I go through with myself in my mind. Should I just give up on ever having sex again? I miss laying beside her and cuddling. I miss giving her oral pleasure, but that will never be enough for a woman to be satisfied. I know… I’ve read way to much about women and small penises. I’m just wondering if you have any good advice for me. All those start-stop techniques don’t work, not desensitizing cream, not even x pills or Adderall or Xanax. I tried it all a long time ago and nothing ever got me past thirty seconds of penetration. I’m scared that that’s never gonna change, and I get really lonely.” – C

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A: Thank you for your honest letter. You might expect me to tell you that size doesn’t matter, but I’m not going to patronize you. Your life and sexuality do matter. The good news is, both are about to improve.

You are one of the 0.6% of men with “micropenis.” It’s a medical condition you can’t help. Micropenis happens in utero due to deficiencies of sex and growth hormones.

Premature ejaculation can be related to a small penis because it is super sensitive, but is common to guys of all sizes. There are many men’s clinics, therapists, and peer support groups that work with premature ejaculation. But let’s start with your small penis and your fear of women, because I suspect those contribute to your fast ejaculation.

You have to decide you are worthy of sex, women, and touch—whatever size you are. Intimacy is a basic human need like food and water. You have to decide that the denial of your humanity stops here, and begin the work to fix that.

You can’t “fix” your penis. But many men with micropenises are married, enjoy relationships, and have hookups. To get to that point, they had to get over this point. You deserve sex, so decide today to begin exploring your sexuality.

Get a therapist to help you deal with your insecurities and accept your body. Join some online support groups for men who share your medical condition.

I suggest, probably controversially, you also find a friendly sex worker and begin enjoying sex and cuddling as soon as possible. Correspond or chat in advance with a woman from an online resource. Tell her honestly what you need and why. It might take some time finding the right one, but the practice communicating and being open about your body—and not worrying about her judging you because it’s not a traditional date—will work towards those skills with women in real life.

You can get together and leave your pants on to start. Get comfortable by seeing her a few times. Let yourself experience the range of emotions, including disappointment about coming so fast or the fear of her seeing your penis.

Sexual contact and practice will help affirm your worth as a human being who needs touch, and you can begin to seek out women to date for sex or a relationship. Your best approach is honesty, C. It might be challenging to find Ms. Right, and you might get hurt along the way too. Remember, all men have been hurt by women, all men have disappointed a woman. Your penis is important, but it’s not the only factor in sex and relationships.

Toughen up for rejection, then get out there and be honest—about your limited experience, about your loneliness, about the things that have gotten in the way between you and sex. Don’t come across as creepy and whinging—work with your counselor and peer group to iron out the details of approach and personality.

There are women out there with serious issues of their own, who might make a good fit. Find them. Some women have vulvodynia and are unable to be penetrated! They are terrified of disappointing a man but would enjoy snuggling and oral. Some women are overweight and let that get in the way of their human need for sex and love. There are some women who want a lot more touching, kissing, and being together and wish those needs were being met—long intercourse sessions with a large penis are very low on their list,and they would trade it for more touching.

On your journey to acceptance and an active sex life, you will eventually experiment with your lovers by talking about your body issues together openly and honestly. Once you are close to someone, use your imagination to experience each other. I have a lover with a very small penis and he is not shy about using a dildo with me when I need deep penetration. You can play with how many orgasms you can have, or experiment with orgasm denial or bondage.

But start at the beginning. With the recognition that despite your circumstances, you are capable of giving and receiving sex and love. Then resolve to meet nice women, to be open and honest with them about your needs and theirs, and find a way forward. It’s complicated, but worth it. – Jamie

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