Hookup Help

She Doesn’t Like Giving Handjobs

Woman Leaving Man in Bed

Q: Dear Holly. I’ve been with the same gal for almost a year. We both see a future together and can’t believe we found each other, online no less.

We have sex one or two times a week which suits us both fine, and we like to be playful in bed. The only thing she doesn’t like to do that I would enjoy is give me a handjob. It’s not a full-on fetish, but it’s a massive turn on and always has been to have a woman wrap her fingers around and push and pull me to orgasm. She says she just doesn’t enjoy it.

Why do some women not like giving handjobs? Should I just drop it, or is there something I can say or do to change her mind? – Harrison

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A: Dear Harrison. First off, congratulations on finding a match online, especially someone you see being with long term. I like to remind our readers that for every few bad internet-dating stories, there is a successful one. Patience and perseverance really can pay off!

If giving a hanjob is “the only thing she doesn’t like to do,” then you deserve even more congrats. Many of the men who write in are upset their girlfriends don’t want a threesome, hate giving oral, or don’t want to be tied up and spanked.

Sure it can be disappointing when a lover won’t indulge your fave kink or fantasy, but finding complete sexual compatibility is its own fantasy.

A lot of women just aren’t down with handjobs. I’ll do it, but it certainly isn’t a turn on or something I gravitate towards. A lot of us ladies just don’t see what’s so exciting about doing something men do for themselves. It doesn’t feel sensual or romantic, hence the word “job” I suppose. It can also take forever, causing a sore hand or wrist. At this stage in your relationship, you should be able to ask her for a specific reason for her disinterest (not that knowing will help you change her mind).

I would drop it, and be grateful for what you do have instead of thinking about what you don’t. Remember too that the sex life of long-term couples is ever evolving. Things that she may not like now, may become of interest down the line. You never know what the future holds.

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