Hookup Help is a new Q & A series on Hookupland. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. Love is not a science, and I can’t say I’m an expert, but I have learned a lot from years of dating and making mistakes.
Q: Dear Jenny. I’ve got myself into a serious situation. I’m married, so you can see where this is going. I work as an IT computer guy at a large company. It’s mostly men, but last fall a beautiful intelligent woman was hired to work in my department. I guess you could say I’m her boss, manager. Now don’t get the wrong idea; I didn’t abuse my power or get into any kind of sexual harassment situation; it was more that she came onto me repeatedly and eventually I gave in. I thought it would be a one time thing, but we have insane chemistry and can’t help ourselves.
She’s not asking for more and knows about my wife. We are very discreet and only hookup once a week away from the office. Problem is my guilt is starting to eat away at me and I could really use a good talking to, as I’ve kept this secret from friends and especially co-workers. Tell me how to end this without it blowing up in my face.
– Brandon, Twin Falls
A: Hi Brandon. Your situation is not unique, as I write this, co-workers across the nation are getting it on. Why? Because it’s forbidden and risky which is hot, hot, hot when you’re attracted to someone. I’m not going to judge the cheating aspect of your situation, it is what it is, and you’re guilt will either lead you to confess or end things with your hottie work-mate. A confession is very risky and can often taint your marriage for as long as it lasts. Your call.
It doesn’t sound like your co-worker is making any relationship demands on you (good!) and she knows you’re married, but (and a BIG but)… you never know how a woman is going to act when a man ends a relationship of any kind. Tread lightly. She may use your position of power to ask for something in return (a raise, money, a transfer). I’m hoping not, but it’s best to be prepared for anything. Breaking up in style (even an affair) is mandatory and will cause the least amount of waves in your life and hers.
I’ve had a few work affairs of my own; some I’ve come out unscathed and others weren’t so fun extricating myself from. If you do embark on a little office hanky panky remember: you’re putting at least two, maybe three or four, lives in a compromising situation, not to mention the risk you take of being reprimanded, or worse, losing your job.
Unleash yourself, Brandon, and you’ll feel a whole lot better… best of luck.
Check out: Office Hookups – The Good and the Bad
Need some advice? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny