Q: Ok, so I’ve seen you mention how guys are undoubtedly going to have to send quite a bit more emails than a woman is going to. What are good openers for the first email in which you are definitely going to get a response 90% of the time? Also not just a response, but a positive one.
A: Hi Tim. I don’t think that men would have to send so many first messages, if they put more time and thought into writing them. I have no problem initiating a conversation with someone on an online dating site, but occasionally I take a break and just see what comes in, and that’s when I see the ratio, of what I receive and what I would ever think of responding to, is a great one.
I’m going to first let you know what turns me (and my lady friends) off in first messages (emails).
1. Zero Thought – these are the ones that say nothing personal and/or give you nothing to respond to. e.g. “hey baby, how’s it going?” “u r hot”, “how was your day?”. I don’t even check out these guys’ profiles.
2. Too Short – like the last category, these show no personality (did he even read my profile?!) “hiya” and “how’s your weekend?” just won’t cut it.
3. Overly Sexual – a message that mentions “fucking” right away is a total turn off. Even when I’m not in serious-relationship mode, I still want a little respect. And romantic mush doesn’t work either.
4. Bad Grammar/Spelling – not expecting Shakespeare, but I do like a man who can write well and doesn’t use text lingo when he’s trying to get my attention.
Ninety percent response rate is a lot, even for experienced online daters. Also, your first message is only half the battle – if a woman likes that first contact, she will then check out your profile, which she will then have to like, to respond. Even if you’re message was great, she may find something in your profile that is a red flag.
Now that I’ve said what not to do… read my article First Online Message Tips
Responses should always be positive. I don’t understand why anyone would waste their time sending an email to let a stranger know they’re rude or whatever it is they don’t like about their message.
Remember: a great first message needs the profile to back it up AND it’s wise to send out more than one message at a time.
Also read: Write a Profile that Gets the Girl
Hope this helps, Tim. Best of luck in all your dating adventures, Jenny.
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