Hookup Help: Form Letters and Online Dating

Q: Dear Jenny. I’ve been online dating a few months and have decided to use a form letter. A guy I know does, and he seems to get a lot of replies. I figure if it’s thoughtful and well-written, it’s better than some short message I send through my phone app on my lunch break. What are the most important things to include? – Josh

A: Hi Josh. No. No. No! Please do not fall into the trap of sending women form letters as first messages. I have received every kind of form letter you can imagine, and they get sent straight to the trash, no matter how “thoughtful” and well-written they are. The thing is they are not thoughtful. They are usually written long before a man reads my profile, so they have absolutely nothing to do with thought, or effort.

For those who don’t know, a form letter is a pre-written message that is sent to multiple women. It may be as short as “Wow. Your profile sounds amazing.” or longer, like “I connected with many of your interests. It’s hard to meet a woman who has that rare combination of beauty, brains, and talent.” The person writing these may have spent time crafting their go-to letter, but in the end it’s just a cut-and-paste waste of a woman’s time.

If you are serious about meeting women, even for casual hookups, you want to get off on the right foot. Most women can spot these cut-and-pastes a mile away. They scream laziness and player all at once. And often there’s a part of the letter that doesn’t jive with her profile or personality, so you end up looking like a loser.

Josh, do yourself a favor (and the women who want to meet real men) and spend the time to personalize every message you send to every woman. And wait until you are home so you have the time.

Remember: first messages are first impressions!

Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Jenny

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