The porn wars rage on. Once upon a time, it was the religious right overzealously policing what kind of sexuality could be consumed. Then a radical faction of feminism declared pornography to be violence against women, until some women stood up and said, sorry, but we love sex and we love men who love sex.
More recently, a wave of nonreligious guys have been sharing the benefits of giving up porn or cutting back, claiming the accessibility and technology has been negative for guys, reprogramming their brains for novelty and affecting their ability to function in real life.
Governments clamp down, church officials preach fire, psychologists weigh in on how much and what kind is healthy, and porn as a whole often goes down as “toxic masculinity.”
I’ll just say that I’m not denying there can be too much of a good thing. Like cocktails or painkillers or donuts, a real case can be made for “less is more.” And it goes without saying that consent is key, and the industry can be sleazy. We don’t want to consume erotic imagery from trafficked individuals or give profit to human traders.
But all of that said, I do love porn and think on the whole it’s good for us, both men and women. Here’s why.
What’s Good about Porn for Men and Women
It’s the safest sex.
Love in the time of corona can be a lonely place. When you’re ill or at risk, or want to avoid the risks of contracting STIs, solo sex is a safe haven where you can still find pleasure, reduce tension, and keep things running.
It fills the gap in between lovers.
When you’re not sleeping with someone, by choice or by chance, you don’t stop being a sexual person. Some people are willing to hook up with a horny hottie just to get it on. Some want to wait until Mr or Ms Right shows up. Some are up for anything, but no one’s calling back tonight.
When we find ourselves between partners, it can be frustrating. Entering into the land of fantasy and sharing our sexuality in a simulated fashion is the next best thing.
It can help balance libido differences for couples.
If a woman wants more cuddling and is happy with sex once a week, but every time you put your arms around her for a Netflix marathon, your dick tentpoles your pants, it can be very frustrating.
Few couples have parallel libidos. Maybe she wants it twice a day, but you haven’t been able to keep up to that since you were thirty. Supplementing your sex life with porn for the more horny partner keeps everyone happy.
It can teach you more about your partner’s desires and kinks.
When your date is into something kinky that you’ve never experienced or thought about, or you have no idea how to proceed or how you’ll respond, porn lets you get to know what’s up with that.
Solo, you have a safe space to test out the waters and familiarize yourself with how the kink works and what it looks like. Or you can share porn that reflects her fantasies together so she can show you the ropes.
It keeps love alive through variety and novelty.
For committed couples, sex can be profound and intimate, but it can get boring. We are wired for variety. You don’t have to add partners or even try new ways to play if that’s not what you’re into. You can enjoy that variety through porn.
It sparks the imagination.
There are a million ways to have sex, things you wouldn’t dream of in real life, things that aren’t even possible. A rich imagination is the key to an amazing sex life. You can experiment and explore, together with a partner or solo, every imaginable variation. You can go into other people’s fantasy world or find your own. The sky is the limit!
How does porn benefit your life or relationship?
Tell us what you think