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Why Kinky Sex Is Good for Older Women and Men

Sexy Mature Woman

The majority of readers for most sex or porn websites and blogs, are men in their twenties and thirties. That still leaves a lot of “other” which includes women, nonbinary or transgender people, and folks of all ages.

Maybe some of you haven’t considered the possibility of running into your grandmother in the kink-net sphere, but a surprising number of you are older adults, and really, we shouldn’t be surprised at all. We are all sexual beings, and even if how sex plays out changes along the way, we still want and need intimacy, connection, and pleasure as we age.

Kink and  BDSM is actually the perfect world for older women and men who want sex. So if you’re older, or just curious, read on.

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5 Reasons Kink Is a Good Thing for Older Adults

Kink and fetish life is an amazing realm that many above sixty are exploring for the first time, whether they have felt kinky all their lives and are just acting on that now, or deciding to try things differently to approach aging and sexuality with an open mind.

1. Kinky Sex Is All Ages

Kink and fetish life is less focused on youth and same-age lovers than mainstream society and vanilla sex. Kinky people are often quite open to exploring different kinds of partners and different kinds of sex simply because they are curious, open minded, or find erotic pleasure in many scenarios.

Many people find it easier to explore kink after a certain age because they have the confidence and aren’t concerned about “what the neighbors will think.”

Read: 8 Kinky Sex Ideas to Try Tonight

2. Kink Is Not Penetration Focused

The old in and out is tried-and-true sex for many, but it’s not all there is. Many fetishes focus on different parts, not genitalia, like the foot fetish. Other kinks focus on role play and fantasy, on BDSM hookups, on leather and other tactile materials.

The focus is removed from genitals, banging, getting it up, and orgasm, giving a wider flexibility to libidos that takes more time to stoke. Even if you are ninety years old and can no longer get a hard cock, for example, you can enjoy the intense pleasures where you are at. Women after menopause may find penetration painful, but imaginative discipline scenarios can keep the fires burning.

Read: Sexy Role Plays for You and Your Kinky Lover

3. Kink Is Cerebral and Holistic

The body may be willing but not able. Maybe you can’t orgasm five times a night. Maybe your aching bones can barely get on top of her. Willingness and imagination are the solutions—if your partners are willing to play in different and creative ways, you can still experience a range of pleasures.

Kink gives people the tools they need for sex to take place in the mind, and with the whole body. There are all kinds of restraints and swings, for example, that you might expect are for the lithe and acrobatic, but can actually work wonders for mobility issues or pain.

Using a dildo instead of just your cock is a simple way to make things last longer. Or maybe you want to role play from different positions of power for intense, simmering satisfaction.

4. Kink Is Fantasy

Many older people imagine themselves with younger lovers, or see themselves in their minds when they were beauty queens. We all do this—we imagine ourselves at what we perceive as our best. When we masturbate, we may use an idealized version of ourselves and fantasize about beautiful lovers. We know our own partners are perfectly flawed, but our fantasies are rich and varied and don’t take away from anything, rather they add variety and keep us content with what we have.

When I broke my leg, I sometimes pictured a knight coming to the rescue, me as waif with crutches in a hospital and doctor scenario. But sometimes I was the “me” without the broken leg and cast.

We can also fantasize that we are older, younger, taller, slimmer, as part of a different culture—you name it. I have had a sexy Spanish accent in a lot of my fantasies, trust me!

Kink actually enacts a lot of the fantasy life that we all have inside our heads. It tries out different scenarios through role play, costume, props, and more. But even if someone is in an iron lung and can’t move, they can participate mentally with kink through fantasizing together.

Read: Sharing Your Fetish with New Lovers

5. Kink Accommodates Age, Illness, and Disabilities

Basic vanilla sex is a birds-and-bees affair aimed at baby making, and there’s lots of room in the world for this. It’s good stuff, and no one is surprised when two twentysomethings, at nature’s peak of health and robust fertility, want to get into each other’s pants and set the whole cycle in motion.

But not everyone is as spry and studly as they were on the college football team. While I do have a senior boyfriend who is a ski instructor, most people slow down considerably and face some physical challenges or barriers along the way as they age. Arthritis and many illnesses can alter what kind of contortions are possible.

Read: The Pleasure and Pain of Being Disabled in the BDSM Community

Kink naturally accommodates every variation. It was once considered kinky just to date someone of a very different age, but kink lovers are open to all kinds of situations even if they don’t have a specific “thing” for that thing. Plus, there are those “things”—there are fetishes for every conceivable kind of medical apparatus, for example. An illness or disability can be incorporated into bondage and restraint. There are no limits or exclusions. If it doesn’t float someone’s boat, someone else will be game.

Still looking for kinky women or men to partner with and explore?

Read: How to Find Kinky Hookups

Are you an older adult who enjoys kink? Please share your experience in the comments!

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