Q: Dear Holly. I’ll get straight to the point. I have a foot fetish and want to worship, lick, and suck on a woman’s toes for hours… if she’ll let me. But I don’t want a relationship. I’d like to explore as many feet as possible, but how do I bring this up without seeming like a perv. Can I share my fetish as well as other things I’d like to try (bondage and spanking) on a first date? – Sam
A: Hi Sam. Your question and concerns are very common. I find myself navigating this on first dates and hookups often. I think in the past, most men and women found it very difficult to share their sexual tastes and desires if they thought they fell outside what was considered normal by the mainstream. But not anymore!
We live in a hookup culture where casual sex is considered very normal, and with that comes a willingness to explore and share fetishes and fantasies with new lovers sooner. Of course, it helps to be confident in who you are and your sexual abilities.
Every date must be treated individually in terms of what you want to reveal of yourself or ask a partner to engage in. If you feel the right chemistry and the dialogue becomes very flirtatious, you may feel okay to share your fetish. Or maybe you’re back at her place, making out, and ask to give her a foot massage… which naturally leads to the kissing and sucking you desire.
You can’t always tell if someone is kinky or not, and you have to be willing to put yourself out there and face rejection. If you aren’t ashamed of your kinks (which you should never be) then being turned down is worth the risk, I think. And when you do share, others are likely to follow.
I also recommend using niche dating sites where you can meet other like-minded lovers who share your fetishes, kinks, and desires. Check out FootFetishDating.com where many women are looking to meet a man who will worship their tootsies.
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia