Your girlfriend won’t have sex with you, and it’s driving you crazy. Or you’ve had the best date and you’re back at her place, but she won’t go all the way. If you recognize the problem then a solution is never far behind. Here are the top reasons a woman is holding out, and what you can do to change her mind.
Problem: She’s pissed off, upset, stressed out, or tired. I’ve lumped these together as they’re all negative emotions that affect a woman’s desire to get it on. Men can and do have sex regardless of what’s swirling around in their heads, but if something is weighing on a woman’s mind, forget it.
Solution: Find out the specific reason. Women love to talk, so once your advances have been rejected, start asking simple questions. Let her talk, or cry it out to help her relax. She’ll be more attracted to the sensitive you, rather than the horn dog you really are. If it’s you that’s pissed her off, start apologizing.
Problem: She craves control. There may be other relationships in her life where she feels powerless (work, family) and by withholding sex from you, she feels a certain sense of control. This isn’t fair, of course, as you get the short end of the stick, but shit happens.
Solution: If this has nothing to do with you, it may take a bit of brainstorming on your part to pinpoint the problem. Once you do, help by boosting her self-esteem. Tell her how great she is at her job, or how well she handled a family conflict, or extol her abilities in the bedroom. She’ll stop misdirecting her anger and be reminded you are on her side.
Problem: She wants something you’re not giving her. And I don’t mean sexually. When it comes to sex, women have the power and use it, sometimes unconsciously, to get what they want. Maybe she wants you to buy her something, or help out around the house more, neither of which you want to, and then you suddenly find you aren’t getting any.
Solution: Give it to her. Do it for her. Tell her what she wants to hear. All of these, within reason, naturally. You may be calling bullshit on this solution, but guess what . . . women can hold out a long time when it comes to sex. Is that what you really want?
Problem: She’s not satisfied. I know, you can’t believe your sexual prowess is falling short. And if it is, how come she hasn’t said anything? Some women have trouble expressing their needs and know how easily a man’s ego can be bruised.
Solution: Take the reigns. If she’s not orgasming, then you need to try harder. Think about the last few times you had sex. Was it in the same place, same time of day, same approach? Women want variety without having to ask for it. Extend the foreplay, and go down – a lot of women don’t come from intercourse.
Problem: She’s not that into you. Or worse, she’s cheating. A woman might want to fuck you, but only when she’s desperate and lonely, and when it’s convenient for her. Or your girlfriend might have met someone new, and she’d rather be with that dude. These are both brutal scenarios, ugh.
Solution: If you’re only getting some when she wants it, move on. You deserve a woman who is hot for you – it makes the sex that much better. If you suspect she’s cheating on you, have more proof than her decreased libido before you confront her. And if she’s having an affair, get the hell out – again, you deserve better.
Guys: Can you relate to these scenarios?