I hate the expression “nice guys finish last.” First of all, it isn’t true. Plenty of nice guys get laid every day. Secondly, it’s usually the angry, not-so-nice dudes who point this out. It’s like, “Why won’t you sleep with me you asshole-loving bitch?! I’m super nice!”
I think the expression should be “confident guys for the win” because that’s what’s really happening. Confident guys are scoring on the regular, and here’s why.
Means You Can Take Care of Yourself
Unless she gets off on playing mommy, your date will look for some indication that you’ve got your shit together, so that she won’t have to expend a ton of emotional energy just trying to comfort, calm, and reassure you.
If your date is a little insecure, herself, your confidence will ease her mind because she won’t have to guess your intentions, or convince you that you’re deserving of her affection. There’s just something hot about a man who knows what he wants, and knows that he’s worthy of it.
Makes for a Smoother Approach
Sure, there’s something endearing about a shy guy who stumbles over his words while asking women out, but this kind of approach rarely makes a woman wet. Decisiveness and a take-charge attitude are sexy. When a guy attempts to pick me up, I’m much more likely to say yes if I think he believes in his ability make it happen.
The whole hesitant-apologetic thing that some guys do makes me uncomfortable because I’m not sure if he really wants it, or that he’ll know what to do with it once he gets it.
Suggests that You’re Secure
Insecure guys can be a pain in the ass. They expect their partners to validate them all the time, and freak out when things don’t go perfectly in bed. You didn’t come! I’m a poor excuse for a man!
Confident guys know that sometimes orgasms don’t happen, and that it’s not a reflection of their individual worth. They don’t make my pleasure all about them, and that allows me to relax and enjoy myself a lot more. No woman likes to think one’s sense of manhood relies entirely on her having to come.
Reminds Us that We Might Be a Little Sexist
Even though many of us try not to have them, sexist expectations are hard to avoid. Most of us grew up enduring some form of sexist brainwashing, be it via the media, the school system, or our families. I prefer to sleep with confident men, but is that because confidence is objectively sexy, or because my sexist belief system says that it is?
I know plenty of women who prefer to hook up with confident men, and I think that’s because it’s easier. It fits the message we’ve been fed about how “real” men should act, and we don’t have to challenge this belief even if doing so could mean that we discover some of the benefits of dating a guy who is less confident but super hot in other ways. It’s sad, but it’s just the way it is. Maybe future generations will be more evolved.