Just the Tips

What to Do when the Sex Disappears

Couple Back-to-Back in Bed

It’s normal to have ups and downs with a partner when it comes to quantity and quality of sex. So many things affect this such as family stress, work, children, physical and mental health.

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When the no-sex zone becomes ongoing and one or both partners is affected by the lack of, its best to act sooner rather than later. The further you get away from the good times, the harder it is to work your way back—a reality that isn’t new to anyone who’s experienced a breakup.

Sex doesn’t die for no reason. There’s usually an unhappy partner, maybe both, with issues that aren’t being addressed. Many couples would rather slog along, reaching out and getting rejected, instead of digging to the crux of the problem. And I get it, it’s often something painful that needs to be dealt with. Once you do find out what’s behind the disinterest in sex, keep these tips in hand.

Be patient while you fix the issue. Maybe you need therapy if you can’t deal alone with what’s at the root, and that’s okay. Sometimes a mediator is what’s needed when heavy emotions are involved. This might be a marriage, or possibly a sex counselor. While this is going on, be patient and don’t push the sex.

Take a trip. With most of my relationships, travelling was always a good toxin when sex was petering out. Being alone together, away from the day-to-day stresses, would help us both relax and focus on one another. A getaway can be an effective way to deepen a new relationship or rekindle the magic of something more long term.

Try something new in the bedroom. Let’s face it, you can’t do the same old song and dance without getting bored. Sex is exciting in the beginning, and some of that novelty will of course wear off, so it’s important to keep things fresh. What can you try? It will depend on sexual tastes, but sex toys and accessories, BDSM and kink, strip clubs and porn, as well as swinging and threesomes are just some of the explorations that might get a relationship back on track.

Recognize when you can’t come back. No one needs to stay in an unhealthy relationship. But we do. We’ve all done it. Some people are afraid to be alone, so they’d rather live in a sexless, loveless relationship instead of putting their single selves out there. It’s scary, for sure, but remember that excitement of falling for someone, or the freedom of casual dating without commitment. If you can’t see a way forward with the person you are with, then it might be time to move on.

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