Too Much Information on a First Date

You look awesome. You feel the connection. You’re sure this hookup is in the bag.

So don’t blow it by spewing forth buzz-killing TMI.

Numbers 1 and 2. Of course it’s expected that at some point you’ll likely have to excuse yourself to go to the mens or ladies room. What you don’t need to announce is which order of business is at hand. A number 2 should be obvious, but as cute as “I have to pee” may sound, avoid it. And for goodness sake — nothing about diarrhea.

What an arse your ex is. You can’t avoid talking about an ex if directly asked. But you can leave out the bickering, the backstabbing, and the declaration of war. It’ll come across as A) you’re still into your ex, B) you’re confrontational by nature, or C) you carry too much baggage.

Your rash. This refers to any embarrassing health concerns that might sound contagious or disgusting. Even issues that have long been cleared: no one wants to hear about the unruly warts you had in high school.

Your debt. If it’s heavy duty, expect immediate — albeit unspoken — judgment. But even a lesser debt can sink you. Many people consider debt carriers to be dead weight, and see it as a personality flaw. Until you know your hookup, keep finances — or your lack thereof — on the down-low.

Your Addams family. Don’t make your hookup worry that you’ve inherited your family’s mental illness(es). And if you do happen to be on any psycho meds, keep that info in the I-have-to-go-take-a-number-2 drawer. Society has become much more tolerant of mental illness — just not in potential relationships.

Racism, bigotry, homophobia, sexism. One would think it wise to add these to the list of TMI no-nos. After all, aren’t these the kinds of things that can really scare someone off? Yes, yes they are. And if you suffer from these or any other form of being an intolerant asshole, we’d all like to know up front. Look at it this way: If a hookup successfully blossoms into a romance, at some point you’ll fart around each other and (hopefully) laugh about it. If anytime after the first date you show your true intolerant colours, your fart-sharing days are over.

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