Casual Dating

What Happens when You Fall for a Hookup

Man on Floor Staring Up at Woman

“That Was Awesome! Can I Love You?”

Uh-oh: that hookup you’ve just fallen for doesn’t feel the same way about you! How devastating!

And unsurprising. Most of us are using hookups for quick shags and an easy exit. Even if we’re looking for a relationship, we hardly expect to find it during a quickie. Hookups will usually leave their Falling in Love Gear at the door. So don’t set yourself up for heartache and frustration.

It’s not unheard of. You have sex, it’s awesome, and for that very reason you start to think crazy things, like maybe your hookup feels the same way you do. You ignore logic and conveniently overlook the fact that he/she only showed up to get laid. All of a sudden:

  • You gush about how amazing your one and only shag was.
  • You BURN with jealousy when you discover him/her chatting online with other potential hookups.
  • You become an online stalker.
  • Your profile is blocked by a web monitor.

Feel like a loser yet? You will.

If you (rightly) believe we can’t control who we fall for, then you should (rightly) believe we can’t control who falls for us. If the hookup went well, you can suggest another date. Even feel free to share how much you enjoyed their company. Offer them your contact info. Then leave it up to them to decide if they want more.

But anyone specifically looking for love should include “Open to LTR” in their profile. In fact, unless you can separate sex-for-sex’s-sake from hunting for a partner, quick hookups may not be for you. Agreeing to one means you’re giving someone license to ravish you sans commitment. Although many online daters maneuver the waters with ease, others are left feeling vulnerable and used.

And here’s something for the guys: Many women associate sex with emotion and commitment; so if you get the feeling you’re about to hook up with a woman you suspect won’t cope well with a quickie, be sure to consider that beforehand. Better to find an alternate shag than break someone’s heart.

There’s always more sex to go around than there is good love.

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