The Sound of “It’s Over”
Omg, I know so many people who are oblivious to every sign that they’re getting dumped.
Sure, I understand the denial at play. It isn’t easy when we’re not loved by the one we’re with. We ignore the obvious. We cling to false hopes. But the longer an already-dead relationship lingers, the more the rot.
Over and over, I’ve sat with friends who were in a clearly one-sided arrangement. “She’s cancelled three dates,” I’ll hear. “Did you confront her about it?” I ask. “Ya, but twice she had to work late and the other time her parents insisted she come home for dinner.” “And you weren’t invited…?” “No, the parents don’t know about me yet.” By this point I’d be feeling the gentle breeze of a blowing red flag.
“He’s barely been answering my emails,” I’ll hear. “How long’s that been going on?” I ask. “About a month,” says friend. “Maybe he’s outta town,” I suggest. “No, I ran into him the other day. He says he’s been really busy.” “Doing what?” “He didn’t say.” And here the red flag should be slapping you across the face.
(These are so obvious. I feel bad for my friends when stuff like this happens, but, jeez!)
“She’s driving me crazy! Her texts are so cryptic lately!” a friend will say.
Friend: so r we on 2nite or what?
Friend’s girlfriend: dunno
“Any idea why she’s so evasive?” I ask. “She says she’s been really busy.” “Doing what?” “Back taxes.”
Maybe so; and maybe she’s cleaning her fishtank.
Of course, these are our dear friends, and we want to keep them from getting hurt. But by the time I’m hearing that my friend’s boyfriend doesn’t even get wood anymore, the red flag should be strangling her so tight that her eyes pop out, which you’d think would make it easier for her to see what everyone but she can see: she’s getting dumped—slowly. Everything the unknowing dumpee is hearing should be sounding like an epitaph; yet the words just don’t seem to get through.
So here’s a shout-out to all of you who are not clear about it when you’re dumping someone: be clear about it when you’re dumping someone! Be honest, respectful, and PLEASE be quick about it. Don’t give anyone false hopes. Have the courage to end the relationship.
A bad relationship must not linger. For anyone.
Stop ignoring the obvious. Learn to let it go. For your own sake. For everyone’s sake.