Online Dating: You’ve Been Cloaked! Now What?

The Urban Dictionary defines cloaking as the act of putting on a condom in the face of risky sex, but for the purposes of this post, I will refer to an alternate definition—flaking out on your date and deleting your online dating presence in the process, thereby making it impossible to be called on your bullshit behavior.

It’s like being ghosted, but with the added disappointment of being stood up. In simple terms, it sucks ass.

What to Do if You Get Cloaked

Let Her Go

Resist the urge to track her down. I know you thought that she would be the woman to end your epic dry spell, that you sexted passionately for a week and a half, and that your blue balls have blue balls, but stalking her is not the solution.

She wasn’t taken hostage and forced to delete her profile. She’s not waiting for you to come rescue her, and she’s not playing hard to get. She’s changed her mind about meeting you, and she doesn’t have the emotional tools to face it like an adult. Consider yourself spared.

Let Go of Your Fantasies

I’m sure you imagined what it would be like to fuck her. You probably jacked off to that thought many times and going back to porn feels like a sad prospect. In order for you to move on, though, you have to put those dreams of her to rest. You have to let go of all that you thought could be, and you have to do it sooner than later.

The longer you let a fantasy languish, the harder it is to face reality. Do yourself a favor and exorcise it from your brain immediately. She’s already hurt you, don’t hurt yourself even more.

Don’t Take It Personally

The fact that she bailed on you in such an abrupt and cowardly way says a ton about her, and virtually nothing about you. Her actions proved that she’s immature and unable to face difficult situations. She might have gotten scared at the last minute, or she might have had reservations from the start and didn’t know how to tell you. Either way, she’s got issues.

There’s nothing about you that deserves that kind of disrespect. (Unless you said or did something to make her fear for her safely, in which case she had every right to disappear.)

Get Back Out There

Don’t wait too long to start messaging other women on the site. Cloaking is shitty, but thankfully it’s not the norm. Most people you make plans with will want to see them through, and the more you put yourself out there, the more chance you’ll have of finding what you need.

One day you might stumble upon the profile of the woman who cloaked you. She might decide to give the dating site another try, but you don’t have to engage. You can preemptively block her if you want, or just pass on by. If she reaches out to apologize (which is unlikely) you can choose to ignore her or hear her out, but just remember how bad she made you feel, and that you owe her nothing.

Have you been cloaked? How did you deal?

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