Just the Tips

No More Mr. Nice Guy? Women and Bad Boy Love

Man Surrounded by Women at Bar

Some gentlemen lament that it seems women often prefer rogues and outlaws over nice guys. And lots of women rue their own penchant for adrenaline when it comes to love and lust.

Some serial killers in prison get oodles of love letters from strangers, and some headlines claim a scientific basis for this brand of lady lust.

Is it true that women thrive on danger? Do they prefer mean or misfit men to the sweet and stable sort?

What to Know about Women and Bad Boys

Some women do have a thing for rock stars, bikers, and other independent spirits.

I’d like to clarify before I go any further that I do not wish to classify any “type” of guy or any stereotype as “bad.” From the ruthless banker to the outlaw biker, stereotypes are just that. Just because a guy loves going to nightclubs doesn’t make him a player, and just because a guy drives a Harley doesn’t make him a criminal. Even ex-cons are, well, EX cons.

But yes, some women are extremely attracted to “bad boys.” Some even have a thing for really bad guys—they seek out men in prison, or gang members, or the Mafia. Maybe they see something no one else sees, or maybe they’re addicted to bad medicine. But it’s not all women or even most. Just as many women have a “thing” for nice guys, normal guys, average guys, and guys of every other type imaginable.

The passion for bad boys is often short lived.

If our heads turn at a gym-preening narcissistic who juggles girlfriends with a spreadsheet and treats us like crap, well, yours turn pretty fast too at gold-digging silicone-heavy porn stars on the make. But what happens after a few hookups? You get bored, or tired of playing second fiddle to someone who is self-absorbed.

It works like that for us too. I can’t deny that I’ve been attracted to guys who aren’t good for me. But after a few fireworks, I’m left looking for something more.

It’s also true in general that people make self-destructive choices when they’re younger. We might feel invincible, or haven’t yet outgrown our impulses, or think we can rescue someone with our magic touch. Both men and women usually have a few stories about rogue lovers they were mad for when younger, but experience is a great teacher. Live and learn.

Biology is destiny. Or is it?

There’s a lot of talk about how our hormones do the talking, and how ovulating women prefer more dominating men. The spike in desire women feel for “alpha” guys happens when she is most fertile. Scientists have explained the phenomenon of rogue lust on our hormones, and they may be right—same as your hormones make you look twice at the unblemished young blonde who walks past like Jello on springs.

But our biology also drives us towards other targets. How often do you hear a woman express surprise that the love of her life, or the best sex she’s ever had, wasn’t with “her type”?

We aren’t purely biologically driven, either. Environmental, social, and psychological factors motivate many of our desires and connections too.

Nice guys can and do finish first.

If some women have a kinky taste for danger, so what? Look instead for the babes who are looking for you. More women are attracted to kind, caring, considerate guys, so keep your eyes on the prize.

Hookup Tips for the Nice Guy who Never Gets Laid

Think about what YOU are looking for, and focus on that.

Do you think of yourself as a nice guy? How does that work for you? Please share!

Tell us what you think!

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