The “benefits” part is easy—it’s the “friends” part that gets complicated.
Most important is the order in which these things unfold: you should not try to snatch benefits from a friend; rather you should try to become friends with someone dishing out benefits. Make sense?
Hitting on a friend poses (what should be) obvious risks:
1. major awkwardness, should you be slighted
2. when the fling ends (and it will end), the friendship will sink with it
Best to approach it the other way around: find someone to fuck and, if the experience was so awesome you keep coming back for more, get friendly with them.
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But like any relationship, good ground rules keep the game in play, sans foul, if you know what I mean. Both parties need to agree on:
- How last-minute is last-minute?
- How much notice must be given?
- Is the relationship on the hush-hush? Who’s allowed to know?
- If it’s hush-hush, is there a preferred way to communicate? (Phone? Email? Text?)
- Whose place? Or, neutral territory—like a hotel?
- Are outings allowed, or is it fuckey-only?
- Is info about your private lives off-limits?
- Should it not last (and it most likely won’t, forever), can you agree on a courtesy method of breakup?
Fuck-buddies come and go (I totally swear, no pun intended), and, sure, at the end of the day it’s all about the sex, but the best of these relationships—the ones that last, and evolve, and become something meaningful (as far as non-committed relationships go, anyway)—are grounded in a solid set of mutual commandments.
Another critical step is to state your intentions up front. Are you setting out to find a fuck-buddy, or are you actually hoping for a relationship? If one of you is looking for something “more”, it better be made clear before the situation gets… well, clingy, let’s say.
May your benefits pay handsomely!