How to Hook Up during a Pandemic

Needless to say, we live in an era where the free and natural universe of hookups we used to enjoy have been vastly complicated. We have fallen a long way from the glorious 1960s when birth control was readily available, and penicillin could still cure every kind of STI.

This was before AIDS, and before antibiotic resistance, before we realized how bad the pill was for hormonal balances, and before (let’s face it) the mere act of hanging out with another person, in person, became a terrifying prospect. We’ve come a long way, baby.

Still, as always, dear readers, I have a few suggestions for hooking up when you’re trying to isolate in a pandemic and avoid COVID-19.

How to Hook Up during the Pandemic

Learn to love the bubble.

I’m presently hanging out with someone who hangs out with as few people as I do. This way we have some notion of safety. I get a sense of who she has been seeing, and vice versa. It is hardly like the swinging sixties, I’ll say that. It’s more like the dangling fifties, but I still enjoy our time together.

We talk sometimes about opening it all up, but it is a question of caution and degrees. How will things progress in today’s paranoid world? We just don’t know.

Vet your pandemic dates thoroughly.

Hooking up with multiple people is a little like Russian roulette now. If you see five women in one week, it’s quite possible that one of them is going to be a COVID-19 bullet in the chamber. Even if you wear protection, you can still end up ill. Even a simple date can get you ill.

For this reason, a lot of talking seems to be the way to go. Take your time getting to know someone on dating sites or through online chat services with digital first dates.

If you don’t know where to start in finding a digital date, see our list of the best hookup sites that also offer nude video chat.

If you feel comfortable, meet them someplace safe like a park or an outdoor café. Plan to meet someplace that has numerous escape routes. Keep in mind that the more you drink, the more likely you are to throw caution to the wind and possibly end up in bed with this person on the first date.

People are all incredibly horny now. They have all been deprived of positive sexual encounters for months. The likelihood of drunken afternoons ending up with furtive, regret-it-after-for-14-days-at-least is great. Act accordingly.

Learn to love yourself.

Learn to love yourself and love loving yourself, especially while watching someone learning to love loving themselves over a video chat. Choose your platform wisely, or else it is possible that many suspicious characters in formally Communist superpowers will be watching the two of you love yourselves, and secretly loving themselves at the same time.

Come the revolution, those tapes will be used for blackmail purposes and you will be forced to kill the older brothers of glorious leaders at the airport with poisoned gloves. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid…

How do you stay connected, continue to date in this crazy world? Please share!

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