Have you found yourself faced with the terrifying task of randomly approaching a woman who you find super attractive? Maybe you’re both patrons of your favorite coffee shop, or bingo hall, or whatever, but beyond that, you’ve got no idea how to start a conversation.
Here are some guidelines to keep in mind as you make your move.
Are you looking for a quick NSA hookup? Something more open ended? Even if you don’t express your wants directly (kind of a bad idea to be too explicit right out of the gate) knowing what you’re after will help you come across with more confidence. You don’t want to be arrogant, just secure in your ability to go after what you desire. Women can pick up on your vibe. If you don’t think you can seal the deal, neither will she.
Joke a little. Tease her about something small, like what she’s drinking, or that cute thing she does when she’s nervous. Avoid getting too personal or critical. You want her to laugh and feel comfortable, not become angry or defensive. Teasing can come across as arrogant if you’re not careful, so keep it light and don’t do it all the time. Leave room in the conversation for genuine compliments and questions that can help you get to know her better.
Never assume she owes you anything. Just because she’s open to chatting, it doesn’t mean she wants to leave with you at the end of the night. Even if she’s flirting and giving you signs that she’s attracted, keep your expectations in check. Flirt back if you want, but don’t get forceful or raunchy.
I’ve met guys who come across as nice and respectful at the start of the conversation, only to transform into smarmy creeps the moment sex is even alluded to. I’ve also seen men turn mean and dismissive when they realize that sex isn’t on the table. Don’t be one of those guys. Keep it classy, and learn how to handle your disappointments.
Give Her the Option to Walk Away
Part of keeping things respectful and pressure free is knowing when to approach a woman. I’ve said it before, but it’s important enough to repeat. Do not ask her out while she’s on the job, or waiting in line, or trapped on a rush-hour train. These places are hard to leave, and you always want to give her the opportunity to walk away.
There’s nothing more awkward than being propositioned against your will in an enclosed space with other people listening. That’s why bars and clubs are ideal places to make your move. They’re noisy, and it’s easy for her to slip away into the crowd if she’s not feeling you. Online dating is an even better option because she can read messages in her own time, and decide when or if she wants to respond.
What do you think? Have any other tips for how to approach women? Leave us a comment!