5 Ways to Make Your Cum Taste Better

Have you ever wondered why your girlfriend refuses to swallow? Maybe she’s allergic to semen (that’s a thing by the way.) Maybe you taste disgusting, and she doesn’t want to put herself through the trouble of trying not to puke after?

5 Ways to Improve the Taste of Semen

1. Eat Citrus Fruit

Make her think she’s spending a day at the beach, instead of ten minutes at your crotch, followed by a mad dash to the bathroom to spit out the vile brew that is your jiz.

Change up your breakfast routine by opting for orange juice over room-temperature Red Bull, or try eating pineapple that hasn’t been sitting out on a slice of pizza overnight. Eating healthier in general will make you smell and taste better. After all, we are what we eat!

2. Spice Things Up in the Kitchen

Fuck a cantaloupe, or add a bunch of hot sauce to your mac and cheese! Just kidding. Try drinking mint tea or adding a bit of cinnamon and nutmeg to your diet. How does one do that? Certainly not by resurrecting the cinnamon challenge from a few years back.

Try baking cookies! Not only will eating them help to sweeten your cum, but baking will also make your place smell cozy and inviting! She’ll come for your delectable cookies and stay for your… well, sometimes a lady just wants cookies.

3. Cut Back on Coffee

Too much caffeine will make your semen taste like clam chowder that’s been left out in the sun for a week. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but why take the chance? Keep red meat, onions and garlic to a minimum, and perhaps save your Philly cheesesteak binges for times when you’re single.

4. Drink More Water

It’s a simple thing you can do to help dilute your splooge, making even the most offensively caffeinated, red-meat-infused cock-tail just a little bit less disgusting. Drinking more water is good for just about every part of the body. Aim for six to eight glasses a day.

5. Go Vegan

Vegan guys taste so much better! It just goes to show how much animal by-products contribute to the epidemic that is foul-tasting semen. Be more conscious of what you’re consuming, and of the affects your choices have on every living being on the planet. Or, you know, don’t and keep tasting like a rancid slaughterhouse. I’m not vegan by the way. I probably should be, but right now I’m just being a bitch.

Tell us what you think in a comment! Have you heard of any other ways to sweeten your cum?

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