The online dating arena can be a scary place, especially if you’re shy and low on self-esteem. But what if I told you that a lot of your fears can be erased just by taking control of your approach?
Sure, it might feel as though your happiness lies in hands of all the women you encounter online, but by giving into that lie, you relinquish all your power. The truth is, you have the ability to boost your online dating confidence, regardless of how many women you impress.
4 Tips to Build Online Dating Confidence
1. Lead with a Quality Profile
Knowing you’ve put your best foot forward will go a long way towards boosting your confidence. Think of how you handle a job interview. I’m sure you put a lot of time and effort into figuring out what you’re going to wear and anticipating the questions you might be asked. When you’re well prepared, don’t you feel a lot less anxious?
Don’t just slap together a quick profile in a fit of desperation, take your time. Choose pictures that make you look approachable, and get a friend to proofread things. Experiment with several versions of your bio until you land on the one that best represents you.
2. Jump in Right Away
Once you’ve crafted the perfect profile, go live. Don’t sit around waiting for the courage you think you need. It might never come! Even if you’re too shy to message women right away, browse their profiles and hit “favorite” or “like” on the ones that interest you. If they flirt back, or reach out to you, keep the conversation going. Answer honestly, and don’t forget to ask leading questions. This will help keep the dialogue going.
If you can’t think of anything to say, ask her about something she wrote in her profile. Don’t sit back and wait for her to do all the conversational lifting, as she might mistake your shyness for apathy.
3. Focus on Effort over Results
Set goals for yourself in terms of how long you spend searching through profiles each day, or how many women you contact in a week. Base your success on how well you stick to your plans, not on the number of dates you get. When it comes down to it, you can’t control how women respond to you on dating sites, but you can control the amount of consistent effort you put into making your search count.
Set up a reward system to celebrate and acknowledge when you hit your goals. Online dating is a bit of a numbers game, so in time you should notice that your efforts pay off. In the meantime, the act of keeping promises to yourself will only boost your sense of self-worth and confidence.
4. Take Chances
Send the message! Give her your phone number! When the time is right, ask her out on a date! Women generally appreciate a guy who knows his worth and can go after what he wants. To use a well-worn saying, “No guts, no glory!”
Don’t overthink it, just run with the assumption that she wants you to take a chance on her. Even if it doesn’t go as well as you had hoped, at least you discovered that you can put it all out there, and that nothing truly bad happened as a result. So what if she turned you down, or didn’t respond? There are lots of women looking for casual encounters and long-term relationships on dating sites.
Don’t dwell on your failed attempts, just get back up and start over.
Do you have any confidence-boosting tips? Share them in a comment!