4 Things You Should Never Include in Your Online Dating Bio

What I’m about to share with you is super obvious. One might assume that reason alone would prevent these types of statements from appearing in the online dating biographies of men who wish to have even the slightest chance of getting laid, but what can I say? Reason is dead.

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If you read last week’s post, you know what you should include in your online dating bio. And if you’ve done it up right, there should be absolutely no room in there for THIS shit.

Angry Requests

By which I mean statements resembling: “No fatties” or “No cheaters” or “No crazies.” Basically any request that is capable of insulting a woman before you even meet her. It also applies to any kind of aggressive or neg-type shit that you think makes you look disinterested enough to be sexy but really just declares your mayoral bid for Doucheville.

Ex-Girlfriend Stuff 

Example: “My ex cheated on me for seven years. Before that, she would never give me head, so I’m only interested in nice girls who like the taste of cock.” (There are a few things wrong with that statement. Bonus points if you can explain what they are in a comment.)

Also—and this should go without saying—you should never identify an ex in your bio, either by her real name or by her online dating handle. I’ve come across it a couple of times, and it’s just gross. Usually it’s for the purpose of expressing anger, but even if it’s not, no one wants to read about your past relationships.

Clichéd Self-Descriptions

Compared to the last two things I mentioned, this is far less of an offence and really just a matter of style. Do yourself a favor and get creative to stand out from boring profiles. Don’t fall back on descriptors like, “laid back” or “adventurous.” Women come across that all the time, and what does it even mean? Be specific, guys.

I wrote a whole post about this a while back and how that piece of pure genius hasn’t made its way into the mainstream consciousness by now, I will never comprehend.

Identifying Info

I’m talking to you, Dave who works at Staples Monday to Friday and some weekends. And to Brandon at 555-6790. Are you really so desperate that you can’t wait for a conversation to develop enough for you to (safely) give out your info?

It’s kinda sweet that you think we live in a world where identifying yourself online like that is totally fine. It doesn’t happen a lot, but if I can dissuade one idealistic horndog from potentially being stalked or worse, I’ve done my job.

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