Sherlock Google: Homo Hunter
Ever get the feeling that Mr. Google knows more about you than you know about yourself? Newsflash: he does. But he’s not a mind reader. He’s a bloodhound, sniffing out each and every clue you leave behind. So I hope you’re not keeping secrets from Lovergirl — especially if they involve, oh, I dunno, let’s say, for the sake of argument, anything to do with your secret cock-worshipping habits…?
Yup, you read that right: if you’re in the closet and secretly online chasing cock, you might as well be leaving your ladyfriend a voicemail saying, “Don’t wait up for me, honey, I’m gonna suck a little ding-dong on the way home from the office.”
Type is my hus into a Google search and watch is my husband gay pop up faster than the shock of it all can soil your cotton gusset. It’s the most popular search. And clearly the most popular question facing suspicious women. Not cheating, not alcoholic, not depressed. Gay. That means websites are listing tell-tale signs of a closeted gay man. (Like this one, I suppose. Sorry ’bout that.)
Any of these ring a bell?
- Your browser history is always cleared
- You want less sex at home
- You claim to be depressed
- You start asking her to use sex toys on you
- You have secret text conversations
- Your computer now suffers from “gay pop-up syndrome”
- keep living the lie until you get caught (and you will get caught)
- suppress who you really are in order to never get caught, but live a miserable life
- come out of the closet
My advice is always the same: come out. Much pain for more gain. Time heals. Your family might hate you at first, but in the end you’re only hurting them—and yourself—more by making everyone miserable with your lie. Sadly, there’s no easy way.
Ignore this advice and you’ll soon hear Sherlock Google’s sultry voice whispering in your ear every time you “secretly” log on,… she knows… she’s watching you… she’s waiting for you to confront her… she’s already told her friends… she’s called a lawyer… DO something, Watsballs!
Fuck, do you really wanna live in the closet and suffer from paranoia?! Come out, come out, wherever you are, to where the air is clean and legitimate cocks are aplenty.
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