I’ve been in and out of the online dating scene for the better part of eight years now. In that time I’ve met some really great guys. I’ve also noticed certain trends in the way that many men seem to approach that particular form of… courtship? Let’s just say I’ve often been made to feel more like a generic piece of meat than the fine lady I am, and that makes me sad.
I know from my real-world experiences with men that you guys are so much more than that! You’re complex and original human beings who think and feel things like the rest of us! Oh but if only more of you would express that in your online dating behaviour. I’ve heard from several of my male friends that you’re exhausted… that you just want to hurry up and get laid already, without the endless toil of a conversation and while I acknowledge your pain, might I suggest you get used to talking. Here are three basic rules that might help.
1. Start the Conversation with an Original Message
It’s not hard to spot a message that has been copied and pasted en mass. Some common examples of these are: “Hi there”, “Hi beautiful”, “How’s your day going?” or the ever clever, “I like your profile.” You might think you’re broadening your chances by using the shotgun approach but trust me, you’re not. It just makes you appear lazy and unoriginal, which I’m sure is not the case! It’s worth the extra effort to read her profile completely and to show her that you’ve done so by mentioning something specific about it in your first message. Also be sure to talk a little about your interests. Give her a real reason to visit your profile. In short, show her that you’re an actual human being who is interested in more than just her picture.
2. If She Doesn’t Respond, Accept It
So you’ve put in all that effort to read her profile and sent her a thoughtful message and… she doesn’t respond. Sure it may seem rude and feel disappointing, but it does NOT bode well for you to point that out. She might not have responded right away simply because she needs to think about it. Or maybe she’s taking the time to write an equally thoughtful message back to you. Under no circumstance should you send a follow-up message asking if she got your first one, or in any way suggest that you DESERVE her attention. That’s just creepy and indicative of some larger issues that would probably not make you the greatest catch in her eyes.
3. If She Gives You Her Number, Use It
I’m someone who would much rather talk to a guy than engage in endless messaging. Usually I choose to give out my number after about a week of online correspondence, provided I think there’s some real potential. Now – I understand that talking on the phone can be stressful for some people. If you’re one of them, know that there’s no harm in admitting it! It’s okay to send a message explaining that you’re nervous or shy. It’s NOT okay to just ignore that she has given you her number, or even worse, start texting her instead. Sending a preliminary text to set up a time to talk is fine; simply continuing on with the conversation as if nothing has changed is not. Unless she has specifically asked you to text her, chances are she would like to hear your voice and have a real conversation. Don’t be scared! It probably means she’s into you.