Q: Dear Jenny. I’m just out of a long-term relationship and have no desire to jump into anything right away. I want to play the field and have fun meeting a variety of women. I have a kinky side that I was beginning to explore with my ex and hate to give up on just because I’m single. Are most women willing to get kinky with a one night stand? -Roger
A: Hi Roger. No. I hate to be so blunt, but no, MOST women do not bring out the kinky right away. But the upside is there are still some women who prefer to exhibit their wild side with someone they likely won’t see again, kind of like the anonymity appeal of vacation sex.
Most kinky or bdsm endeavors are all about trust, established and developing, between two consenting adults. Most women on a one-nighter are naturally going to feel apprehensive about many things such as going to a stranger’s house, protection, her physical safety. So you’re not going to find many who will want to be submissive or engage in activities like bondage. That just doesn’t make sense.
This isn’t to say you can’t have fun with a hookup. Many things considered “different” or kinky do not require the level of trust you need for bondage and blindfolds. You can try playful role plays without props or light spanking without being tied up.
In my experience if I meet a man who is sexually compatible, we both usually want to hook up again. Whether that leads to something serious or a friend-with-benefits relationship is up to us. I’ve had it go both ways. The thing is, it’s hard to find good sexual chemistry, especially when you’re just playing the field but want to explore your kinky desires.
It’s difficult to open yourself up after a long-term relationship has ended, but to explore your kinky sexual desires, it often takes more trust with a partner than what a one night stand can provide.
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Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny
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